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How to go about teaching my son about puberty/bodily changes? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by liyah27@lemmy.world to c/dadforaminute@lemmy.world

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I’m a 27 year old single mom with a 12 year old son (Yes I had him at 15). Ever since I left my abusive relationship with his father, he hasn’t had a male figure around, and I haven’t really had a full on discussion about him about puberty or hygiene/shaving down there. I think he’d probably be most comfortable discussing these things with me even as his mom compared to his grandfather or my brother/his uncle, just because of how much closer we are. I’ve done some research online about male puberty, hormones, and hygiene for uncircumcised boys, but how do I approach having this conversation with him without making him uncomfortable and what else should I talk to him about?

Edit: Thanks for the advice, he was surprisingly comfortable talking to me about some of these things. I took some of your advice and had a casual approach, made a few jokes as well.

Though one thing he confessed was that he isn’t able to pull his foreskin behind his head yet, is that normal and how should he keep himself clean if he can’t expose his head?

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[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 8 points 1 week ago (2 children)

If you don't feel comfortable enough, leaving a handwritten note explaining some of the things might suffice. As a man, I can say that the worst part of being a teenage boy is that once you discover masturbation, you'll be doing it a lot. Suddenly you're thinking about sex so much, and getting frustrated that you're not having any sex, etc. It really sucks. Other than that, boys' body changes don't feel special or different or anything. Extra hair grows here and there, voice might finally sound masculine, and that's about it.

Some things he should know, from someone who experienced it first hand:

Shaving pubes is not necessary. No need to bother with it until you start getting frisky with another person - and they might not even care whether there's a bush there or not.
Try to pull the skin down as much as comfortably possible when masturbating. This is important for having sex in the future
Clean up the head with water and soap, then dry it before putting it back inside the clothes. It's also a good thing to use toilet paper to dry up after taking a piss.
Water + semen = glue. You need lots of soap if you don't dry clean it first.
Keep some toilet paper, towelettes or an old piece of cloth nearby for the cleanup. Wash the cloth at least once a week.
Install uBlock Origin. He'll be browsing porn sites whether you like it or not, better have some protection against the nastier ads, which tends to be really invasive.
Masturbation feels good, but don't overdo it, unless he wants to have erection problems when he finally has sex.
Adding to the above, it needs to be driven into his skull to NOT expect anything he sees in porn to be realistic. Positions, dirty talk, all of that is for entertainment, not a how-to.
Keep an eye on your credit card, OP, or you might suddenly see a surprise charge for something very unexpected

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thanks for the advice! Actually I just talked to him for a bit and he told me he isn’t able to pull his foreskin over his head yet, is that common? And how should he clean it if he isn’t able to pull his foreskin all the way back?

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 2 points 1 week ago

he isn’t able to pull his foreskin over his head yet, is that common?

It is, since most boys won't have a reason to pull it, so the skin never stretches. This should be looked at as an exercise, so he will probably manage to fully pull back after some months (6+, can take longer). If that doesn't happen by the time he's 14, or if he frequently feels pain when doing so, he might have phimosis and it would be best to have medical advice on how to proceed.

And how should he clean it if he isn’t able to pull his foreskin all the way back?

Until he can pull back and expose the entire glans, he probably doesn't have to worry about it too much, I certainly didn't until I was 13 or so (mankind has managed with much worse hygiene for thousands of years, but that's beside the point). One thing he can try is pulling up the skin (stretching over the glans) and get some water in from the hole. The problem here will be drying it afterwards, maybe a piece of cloth and a finger can get in to dry it enough