Dad for a Minute

Good morning!

It's hard to say, because I don't know you or your son, and I don't know the kind of dynamic you have - so if anything I say about "style" doesn't seem right for you, just let it go by. You know best.

I think that, generally speaking, you want to approach it like it's perfectly normal. (Protip: it is.) I know that schools will have a far-too-brief instruction on these things around this age. You can start with that, asking whether they've had that in school yet, if they haven't, when it will be. Set a very casual tone, that'll let him know that you're not afraid of the topic, and how you will approach it when you get into the details with him. Gauge whether he wants to talk about it right then or needs to wait. If he needs to wait, "Okay, well, you and I are going to have "the talk" (make it a joke) at some point, doesn't have to be right now, I just wanted to open the door."

Okay, so when you have "the talk" -- still keep it casual. Put it in terms of "I'm going to say a bunch of things, and you may know some or all of them. But I have to know you know, so it just needs to be said out loud." It might be helpful to point out that every single young man in history has had to deal with these things, at this same young age, and that he deserves guidance.

Now for the details. You mentioned shaving. He does not need to shave. At this age, he shouldn't shave. If things get annoying, the most he should do is use some safety hair scissors to trim a little shorter. Pubic hair prevents chafing, front and back. And when it grows back after shaving, it can be horribly scratchy. With regard to hygiene, make sure to include "wash your ass." Like, get soap on your hands and get everything, seriously. You're going to want to talk about erections, especially how they'll just show up for literally no reason at the most inconvenient times. He might have to "adjust," and he'll have to figure out how to do so discreetly for when he's not able to find a bit of privacy.

On other notes, he's going to find it harder and harder to wake up in the morning, and want to stay up really late at night. That's normal, and he'll want to figure out a process that works for him to get out of bed in the morning and get moving for the day. A little caffeine in the morning will help wash away the tired. And don't have caffeine after dinner.

However your conversations go, it'll be fine. The fact that you're being mindful about it means that it can't go wrong. I would actually advise against having him talk only to someone else. You're the parent, and you need to know what he knows. The only way for that to happen is for you and him to talk.