this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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[–] phuntis@sopuli.xyz 23 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (21 children)

one of my favourite graphs ever dunno if it's real but eh it's funny

love the difference on geese

personally I'd say rat house cat and medium dog are my definite I'd win not even that difficult maybe maybe the big dog but I dunno the dog could win any of the others are a hard no I'd die

[–] chetradley@lemm.ee 15 points 6 months ago (2 children)
[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 4 points 5 months ago

Only a holy hand grenade could defeat a creature so vile

[–] Dicska@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

Have you ever tried to bathe a house cat?

[–] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 13 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Have Americans even seen what a goose does?

You’d have a hand around its neck, doing twirls for a shotput throw, and yeah, the goose goes like twenty-five meters back into the lake, and that’s fine.

But with a sinking realization as the goose fucks off, it stole your wallet.

[–] Ibuthyr@lemmy.wtf 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Americans are also some of the loudest, over-confident, self-absorbed, entitled people on the planet. Of course they believe they can take on any animal.

My apologies go out to the dozen other Americans who are cool.

[–] LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Please divulge your location so I can talk shit about your country in turn

[–] Ibuthyr@lemmy.wtf 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

No problem, there's plenty shit about Germans too! Bunch of conservative assholes that are afraid of change and are fucking weird in general. Especially the people in East Germany and Bavaria. Bunch of cunts is what they are. Except for the dozen of people that are cool of course.

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[–] GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 4 points 5 months ago (2 children)

American male: I'm confident up to, but excluding the large dog. Now I'm sure there's a good chance I could win against a large dog, but it's not a big enough chance to call it "confident" and that's the first animal on the list where I can see things going very poorly for me if I don't handle the situation just right.

With the eagle, I'd probably get hurt (badly) and regret it, but what's the chance I'd lose the fight? I mean, their bones are fragile and once a wing is broken, it's game over for them.

Geese? We have Canada geese, amongst other species. They have a well-deserved reputation for their disagreeable personalities (especially when protecting their offspring). They can make you hurt if they wanted to, but an otherwise healthy adult human male can easily win in a fight with them as long as the human doesn't lose his nerve.

[–] Nalivai@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

their bones are fragile and once a wing is broken, it's game over for them.

Your eyes are also very fragile and once they're gone it's over for you, and big birds are very well equipped for that.
And geese can bite your nuts.
I am not confident enough about both of those.
Large dog will fuck up most of humans 9 times out of 10.

[–] phuntis@sopuli.xyz 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

we also have canada geese in the UK they're very common here terrifying beasts can break an arm

[–] communist@lemmy.frozeninferno.xyz 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

Anyone could easily beat a king cobra in a fight if they're able bodied, the venom doesn't effect you instantly

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[–] johan@feddit.nl 2 points 5 months ago (2 children)

This is great. I would never fuck with a goose! Although I think if you know how to grab it by the neck you'll be OK.

Do you have the source of the graph by the way? I would love to share it.

[–] phuntis@sopuli.xyz 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

sorry no source I just googled brits vs americans fight animals or something and a couple of graphs like that came up just this one had numbers so I picked this image as I said I'm not even certain it's real but it's low stakes and funny

edit: I had a look apparently yougov is the source

https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/35979-which-animals-could-britons-beat-fight

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[–] meep_launcher@lemm.ee 22 points 6 months ago (1 children)

There was a 32 minute period from initial text to the first response, and then the whole thing was over by minute 3.

That certainly didn't kill an hour. That's like 35 minutes. Something's not right.

I'd go so far as to say OP is a liar. I bald faced full lipped green eyed strong jawed curly haired liar who broke my heart and will do so again.

[–] reallykindasorta@slrpnk.net 3 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

I noticed that too but I think the meme is constructed by juxtaposing a twitter post making the claim about how much time it would kill onto a text of someone testing the claim on their friend, so the twitter person turns out to be wrong but no fault should be applied to the text convo.

[–] meep_launcher@lemm.ee 2 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Screenshot of a text convo in the screenshot of a Twitter post in a post on Lemmy- I'm holding you to account reallykindasorta. This rests solely on your broad, muscular shoulders. Quite frankly there's no way to wash your rugged yet tender hands of this mess, and I for one won't stand for it.

They told me the devil would be beautiful.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 months ago

I really have no idea what you're on about, but I like your vibes 🤙

[–] reallykindasorta@slrpnk.net 2 points 6 months ago

I certainly perpetuated the myth by sharing it. In that case I’m going to defend it and say that this single text anecdote is an outlier and that, on average, this question would take an hour to resolve (including clarifications about weapons and such).

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[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I could totally take a T-Rex, and if you don't believe me bring one here and I'll fight it!

[–] Brickhead92@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

We'll spare no expense!

[–] signor@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

“But the horse gets it too” really sends it for me.

[–] blazeknave@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

Not only "what is the horse doing in that time?" but that the dude knows that means no.

[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 3 points 6 months ago (2 children)

The idea that a horse could prepare is kinda whack. What is it gonna do? Get to an open field?

[–] chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] TheCoolerMia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 6 months ago

mine has diamond armor >:3

[–] blackmagic@sh.itjust.works 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I don't think you could kill a horse in an open field without a long distance weapon. It's a flight animal, if you did any significant damage to it, you'd never come close enough to get it to fight you. Enclosed spaces, that's a different story (you still lose that, it's a horse).

[–] TranscendentalEmpire@lemm.ee 3 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Nah, we min maxed for this already. I mean not me, I'm terrible at running. But I imagine if you go back far enough one of my ancestors was good enough at long distance running that we could eventually chase that horsey down and bang it in the head with a rock when it's all tired out.

[–] blackmagic@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 months ago (2 children)

If that ancestor also can track it down, maybe.

You... probably not.

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] blackmagic@sh.itjust.works 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Nah

We have worked with hundreds of sloths over the years, (both wild and human-reared) and they can all inflict serious injuries if scared or irritated. We have seen a sloth bite through a human hand leaving a hole big enough that you could look through.

In addition to their seriously sharp teeth, sloths are astonishingly strong. Due to their specialized muscle structure, their muscles are pound for pound stronger than a human’s. Despite their small size, sloths are 3x stronger than the average person. Meaning that if you are up against an angry sloth who wants to bite you, chances are the sloth will be the winner of that wrestling match.

When they reach independence (at the age of about 18 months), even the most gentle of hand-reared sloths just do not want to be handled any longer.

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[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Don't think horses can carry HIV. PreP is not necessary

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 2 points 6 months ago

Ok Mr. Hands...

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