this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2025
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I already told you how it all started in my previous posts, but now it's different because I started having sex with him, before he only gave me blowjobs and now I started fucking his ass. I have to admit that it's a very nice thing to do, I've never fucked a butt before, I've always fucked pussies.

and I'm a little confused, because it started for money [not counting the jerk off we did in college watching porn] and I feel absolutely nothing for him other than friendship and brotherhood, he doesn't attract me at all but I enjoy fucking him, although it's not as satisfying as doing it with a woman.

and I realized that what I enjoy is having a man on a par dominated and in my power. that makes me horny and I don't know why.

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[–] FloMo@lemmy.world 26 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Good news is, there’s no wrong answers here.

If I had to take a stab in the dark, you may be bi/pan. You can still find the “feminine” form more attractive, be selective about what kind of “masculine” form you find attractive, you may exclusively want to top (feeling of control, like you mentioned). It’s all valid!

Furthermore, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about enjoying casual sex (or sex for money/content) so long as you’re TRULY happy/comfortable/enjoying yourself and try to find a way out the moment you’re not.

To me it doesn’t seem terribly odd that two people may form a very strong non-romantic bond (friendship/brotherhood-like relationships) that end up having good sexual chemistry. The important thing is that you’re honest with your partner and yourself at all times about how you feel.

TLDR; If it feels right, don’t overthink it. We humans are too interesting to fit in neat little boxes.

[–] Brandanfinchh@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Thanks dude, I loved your answer!

[–] denteleite@lemm.ee 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

My beloved gaybro, I responded to you in a previous thread. This seems to be weighing on you quite a bit. I think you may need to ask yourself "why am I afraid of being gay?" Your sexuality is probably not as big of a deal as you think. But for some reason that is known only to you, this topic keeps intruding on your mind. I'm glad you feel safe asking these questions here. I'm glad this community exists for you. But you may need to do some more serious self reflection on where your true fears and concerns lie before we can give any helpful guidance.

[–] Brandanfinchh@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

I don't know how to answer you, maybe you're right, all I know is that I feel safe fucking him and I like fucking him but I wouldn't fuck other guys because I don't like guys, I don't feel anything for other men. and I take it as recreation, something fun with my friend with whom I enjoy it and on top of that I earn money, but here people think that what I do is gay and I know that fucking another guy is a gay act but I don't consider myself gay just to fuck him, because I would never fuck another man. maybe I'm 99% straight and 1% gay, and it's not fear, I truly believe it.

[–] SatanClaus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Check out the different ancient Greek variations of love. Also don't worry so much about what it means. We all focus on defining things too much.

[–] FoxyFerengi@lemm.ee 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Sometimes our sexualities don't match our romantic orientations or aesthetic attractions. You could be bisexual and gynoromantic. There are a ton of micro labels, but honestly it's okay to enjoy sex with a person and not want a relationship

Here's a short list of romantic orientations, and there's also a category for sexualities if you use the drop down menu.

[–] Brandanfinchh@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

wow I didn't know that, it makes some sense.

[–] K1nsey6@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago

Don't worry about the labels, enjoy it for what it is for you.

[–] giacomo@lemm.ee 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Brandanfinchh@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Comments like yours don't help me at all.

[–] giacomo@lemm.ee 1 points 1 day ago
[–] PumaStoleMyBluff@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

If you had a relationship with that dynamic with a woman, would you consider it part of your sexuality?

You don't need to fit any particular label, but you could consider whether "bisexual and heteroromantic" resonates with you.

Still, even as a gay man, not all of my sexual relationships are romantic. It's okay for sexuality and romance to be separate at times!

[–] Brandanfinchh@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

you're right dude

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You can be horny to get off and not attracted to someone. It doesn't make you gay (not that there's anything wrong with being gay). I love ass sex with women and it doesn't feel the same, I agree. Cheers.

[–] Brandanfinchh@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Thanks, I think the same but sometimes it's confusing

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

You are friends with benefits. Don't overthink it. It works for you. As you said, a mouth's a mouth, and obviously a bum's a bum.