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I just thought it was funny that, of all the silly things you could've mentioned, you happened to pick one that was so explicitly lampshaded.
Anyway, I'd say that since you haven't seen Enterprise you should watch that first before continuing on to the new series.
Honestly, I haven't seen a lot of the new Trek yet myself: I've only watched Lower Decks and the first two seasons of Discovery so far (along with about a season and a half of The Orville, which counts just as much as Galaxy Quest does).
Of those three, I think Lower Decks is just flat-out great, The Orville is the most similar to TNG (aside from the occasional deliberately-awkward Seth MacFarlane humor, which thankfully diminishes after the first few episodes), and Discovery is begrudgingly okay, but is both superficially annoying in terms of aesthetic continuity with older series (e.g. the weird Klingons) and trying way too hard to be "epic."
As for the rest, I've heard good things about Strange New Worlds, bad things about Picard, and Prodigy is kinda off by itself in a separate category because it's targeted at kids.
As for where to watch, I think everything's on Paramount+ now, but I just got a hard drive full of "historical documents" from an acquaintance.