Curious what the positive sequel would be…

On good days, I remember that the sheer finality and certainty of the state of our world, our universe, the idea that we may not even have free-will at all and this is all just an inexplicable, passing moment of a universe becoming aware of itself, the grandure of it does more for me than any religious ideas or poems or songs or inspirational messages. It's wholly absurd and beautiful and we exist in the intersection of scales that are so immense they cannot be fathomed by our primitive minds... these ideas make all the struggles, pains and hardships I experience feel a lot less tangible.

I am aware that a lot of this sensation is simple disassociation from depression, but it's not necessarily a bad thing, disassociation is either a survival trick to keep us alive when our minds get the best of us, or it's a consequence of something actual and special inside us, a type of awareness that seems to reside just outside of the things we can quantify and explain, a sum greater than its parts. Disassociation is like standing just outside yourself watching the story unfold, and it used to terrify me, now I realize it can't be helped, we're all on tracks and it's just a ride. But if you look around, it can be a beautiful ride, even the shitty parts exist as a strange kind of reminder that the universe doesn't owe us anything, take it or leave it, it's all just experiences.