this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2025
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What do you do when you notice some hints but aren't interested in them romantically, but instead genuinely want to be friends with them?
Reject their advances but state that you’d like to remain friends. I cannot offer specifics beyond that, as people are complex and relationships are hard. Results oriented phrasing. State it in the way that you believe they’d like to hear it, and will allow you to remain their friend.
Or just ignore their advances and stay friends. Acting on something is also voluntary.
It's someone I met recently. My brain noticed they're interst and went "seems like a great potential friend". But I'm worried about leading her on if I reach out.
That’s a hard situation, but breaking it down into incremental pieces might make it simpler. In order to answer your question completely, I’d have to do quite a bit more personal development and many probing questions.
Specific and beneficial internet advice about relationships and friendships is rare for a reason. I wouldn’t ask anyone here anything more than their broad social philosophy, and even that might be poisonous. Hit up the most socially cognizant person you know, as they will have infinitely more context than I do.
I'd argue ignoring their advances while being aware isn't a very friendly thing to do. Not that you're obligated to act on their advances, just don't pretend to be a friend.
As with all things interpersonal, there is a vast grey area. You can offer your continued friendship and they can offer subtle hints as to their romantic desire as long as they like. Things can also come to a head at any time either party desires. No one is hostage to the situation.
It depends on not just what one defines as friendship, but also on one’s capacity to be a friend to others, whether this is cruel or kind on either end. I understand what result I’d like out of our continued association, and producing that result is usually mutually beneficial. If they intend more than that, is on them to bring about.
Inertia is natural. Leading someone on is active and offensive. Not reciprocating or acknowledging unwanted advances is usually not.
I suppose it depends on the advances. If it's just flirting, then flirt back or don't are both fair. If it's a confession of feelings or asking them out, ignoring those can be pretty cruel, though it can also depend on the person.
I imagined the person asking to have been given subtle hints. More laughing than expected, cute comments, probing questions. But all of that could be construed another way, so waiting for them to make a move is entirely reasonable. But that’s my sleep addled assumption and not necessarily reality.