this post was submitted on 03 May 2025
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As a poly person: no, it is not a "affiar-tolerant monogamy". That is an open relationship.
Polyamorous partnerships are far more committed. Also, sex is not always a part of it.
Of course there is the concept of a primary partner, but there are lot of poly folks that thislike this idea.
But what all of those relationships have in common: there is no case where only one partner is poly. All is about communication and consent.
And to the core topic: There is this thing like a polycule. A network of people with somehow connected relationships. Breakups in those structures are often consensual and no big fuzz. But if it gets dirty, at least in my experience, the offending member of the polycoule gets shown the door. And most of the times, those are the new ones. People that think the could convince their partner to get monogamous because they are the only one that is needed.
Sorry for the long post, you hit a nerve there ;)
No apologies necessary*. I certainly wasn't trying to offend, just be accurate in model setting.
A more accurate umbrella term for "affair tolerant monogamy" would probably be "non-monogamous", with the dividing line between that and "polyamory" being exactly what you said : all persons in the relationship cluster knowing the stances of all other participants.
Accurate and non-offensive terminology can be hard.
It does circle us back to OP, though. The answer to "what happens when one couple breaks up in a polucule" is a loud and emphatic that depends on what type of polucule you're in.
(*: no apologies needed from you. To the extent that I caused you any distress I sincerely apologize. Causing pain was not at all my intent.)