I'm saying this with respect, because I do have respect for you, despite disagreements. When I first joined kbin.social, I was much the same, if not worse. Life events were happening around that time that forced me to face myself. I stopped drinking entirely for months, now have an occasional beer. I stopped smokinng but after a month picked up vaping. I stopped smoking weed and still don't. I didn't have access to therapy, I did have access to the Internet. I got serious about being able to self-regulate. I started digging. I discovered shadow work. I learned what bugs me the most in other people exists in me, past/present/how I could see myself doing/saying/thinking if it seemed a type of way. In short I looked in the mirror. Not that anyone forced me, led by emotions, we're manipulable. Yes, you and me. If something triggers or stings, guess who I need to look at and here's a hint: not who triggered me.

That means there's a wound that needs attention, with love and forgiveness. That means I confront anger/guilt/pain/shame with love and forgiveness. I learn to ask what triggered me and why? What wound was touched or festers that needs healing? And I do the work. Not always when I want, when I am able, considering time, setting, personal ability at the moment I have time. I did it and I do it.

Life is still living, ups and downs. The difference is, I've got me. I stopped abandoning myself to run from myself. Because at the end of the day, I don't have to lay myself down or live with you or .ml or anyone else. I do live with and lay me down with me. When I'm focusing on your behavior, rather than observing it, guess who I'm not focusing on and cheating out of the care I deserve...my inner child deserves a loving, caring, ~~friend~~ firm, healthy parent. Loving myself enough to say yes is easy. Loving myself enough to say no is hard. I'm worth it. And I think you are, too