this post was submitted on 04 Jun 2025
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tbh I'm not sure a social critique or movement like feminism makes sense to apply to individuals - it helps us understand the dynamics, but it's not like one person can somehow overcome those dynamics all by themselves ... what I'm saying is, you go girl ✨ 💅 😄
Thank you for your reply! I definitely see your point. Perhaps I have some perceived guilt from not standing by my ethos. But you’re right! I should probably get over myself here lol.
Fuck yeah, thanks for the encouragement ☺️
I get that, I feel the same way and I do think it's worth considering how our actions as individuals intersect with the social and structural.
Also, I don't think it's that terrible to try to go against the grain of society to be a good person, but I think sometimes we just use things like this to beat ourselves up even though it's not that big of a deal ...
Like, when I first transitioned, I had so much cognitive dissonance about using makeup to feminize - I felt like I was betraying my feminist values. Now I realize I was just being femmephobic, not feminist.
The idea that you feel good when a man is attracted to you is not some great sin against feminism, it's normal sexual behavior. Sure, some women don't stand up for themselves and get so sucked into pleasing men that they undermine other women and play into sexist dynamics, but we also live in patriarchy and the focus should not be on blaming the victims of this system for its predictable outcomes ...
All this to say, I don't think you should feel like a bad feminist for loving a man (or for loving the way it feels when a man loves you). I like wearing makeup and I'm still learning to not feel guilty about being feminine - certainly these things are compatible with thinking women and men deserve equal rights.
I relate to that so much. A bit more introspection might be a good thing for me.
Regarding the cognitive dissonance, I feel you. I’m still averse to wearing or even trying to wear certain types of clothing. It feels inauthentic and as if I’m some sort of imposter. I know these things are not true, but it’s hard to shake the feeling. Some of that is due to humiliations I’ve endured by so-called friends, when all I was trying to do was try something new, which was appropriate for the weather and social setting. I no longer wear shorts, even when the temps hit close to triple digits, and am afraid of wearing dresses and skirts. I don’t want to experience those feelings ever again. So instead, I stick with femme fitting jeans and shirts. The worst I hear from that is that my style is so limited, and that I should try new things. In other aspects of my life, I’m quite adventurous. But when it comes to certain feminine things, I am afraid of being judged harshly, especially by those that supposedly care about me.