this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2025
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Autism
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most of the times non-autistic people do not truly understand what it is to be on the spectrum. that's not anyone's fault and that doesn't mean they are insensitive. definitely there are assholes but that's besides the point.
I've seen people who insist on saying I'm just introverted and that's fine for me. I don't see autism as disease in particular, rather a trait that makes life different from that of most of fellow humans.
that being said, my hunch is people around you are probably, misleadingly, thinking that you being on the spectrum means you don't like social interaction. it happened with my not-so-close friends too (I'm generally open about this and to some extent visibly autistic. though not into trains lol. (I love trains as efficient public transport ofc)). They assumed, from the social battery perspective, that social interaction is quite draining and thus I don't like it.
in reality it's very different. social interaction is draining except for a few very close people. but I usually like to be in the social scenario. as someone with autism for whole life, I know what kind of interactions are tiring, how to manage them and in general various workarounds. I found this to be the case with irl autistic friends of mine too.
so I think you can talk about hacker stuffs, do social interaction related to it (discussing projects, doing talks for example). and try to enlighten them that you love hanging out with them, it just works in a different way. if they lack any empathy still, it's better to consider them as toxic and go to a different hacker community and/or make new friends. it is difficult but probably the best option.
this exact situation happened to a close friend of mine. she is autistic and whenever she opened up, friends stopped hanging out, trying to give her alone time. this lead her to pulling out of society and loosing hope on friendship completely (I didn't know her much back then). few years later she found friends, both autistic and not, and as happy as ever because they now understand this very aspect of her.
I'm sure you'll find good friends too and you don't have to hide yourself for that.
Thank you for that response <3
<3