this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2025
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Mental Health
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In case you want a woman's view of this stuff:
I think (at least for me & other women I've asked) looks work differently for women, it's a primary filter, like you have to look good enough, but not a scale - better looking than "good enough" doesn't make a guy more attractive to me, it's a yes or no on looks only. So it's not that I don't care, exactly, but there is not any man on earth who is so good looking I would want him because of his looks (I might want to look at him, same as I like looking at beautiful women, but looks don't cause me to be attracted to someone). And there are some who are so unattractive physically to me that they would never dig out of the "no", it's a scumbag brain deep illogical screening.
Height, as long as not much shorter than me, it doesn't matter. Weight, as long as not too fat (and honestly weight is probably the one criteria I can change mind on - fat and active is A-OK, my immediate knee jerk reaction can be overriden, and no guy has ever been too skinny, I have such nice memories of one guy who was like 6'5" and 140lb, when I was 5'9" and 115lb, it was like two skeletons, lol but he was so hot in so many ways not related to looks). Skin color, eye color, hair texture, bald, I don't care, those are not factors. Overall build and features yes, but nothing outrageous, average is good looking if the guy is good in other ways (considerate, thoughtful, competent at something, good lover, funny not in a mean way, there are so many not physical qualities that are attractive).
It's my understanding that guys are more like - better looking is more attractive, and that it's weighted heavier - so a lady who was better looking could be attractive with fewer of the other good qualities, and also that a lady who did not at first be so physically attractive to you could become so if she was awesome in other ways, that she could climb out of the immediate "no" and into the "yes". That doesn't happen for me - I can like those guys so much but won't want them.
And I'm saying for other women, they don't even care if they're taller, especially if it's just when they're in heels. Even more so when you get to ridiculously attractive women who have already been able to be very selective on just physical traits.
Same way a man that can walk into any room and get the attention of the most beautiful woman, eventually has the novelty of physical beauty wear off compared to someone who's never experienced a partner like that
It's a human thing, there's not really a gender difference. When you can always "get" the most physically attractive person, you start valuing other charecteristics more when looking for a longterm partner.
It starts out looking for a physically attractive person who also has those other qualities, but as you value those more, you relax the other standards without even knowing you're doing it.
That makes sense. I figured on height I just couldn't really ever be selective, I'm around the average height of men in my country, and tall guys seem to favor short women, and short guys usually seem to want women shorter than them, so have just always ended up with guys around my height with a couple of outliers (two legit short guys, two really tall). So as I am used to being around guys my height that is what my mind perceives as the space to find attractive guys.
Really haven't ever pursued a guy for his looks and don't think I personally am in the turning heads level of attractive, wasn't ever mainstream majority attractive anyway, though averagely good looking.
That's a misunderstanding that everyone keeps assuming. But because it's so prevalent, people keep making the assumption about others.
If you're into a short guy, don't just assume he's not into you just because you're taller. He might be into you but assume you're not into him for the same reason.
Be into whoever you're into, just don't press it if they're not interested.
That kind of circles back to what I said about especially attractive people caring less about looks. They have the confidence to not give a fuck and just shoot their shot without ruling themselves out first.
Most people's problem is just their own fear of rejection, doesn't matter what gender.
That is exactly how I figured women viewed attraction. Thanks for writing that all out, guys rarely get to hear your side.
Don't beat yourself up. We don't get to choose our attractions.