this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2025
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Manosphere being a toxic shitshow of harmful beliefs and self-sabotag is nothing new.
But in 1 way, it is very different to an abusive boyfriend. The abusive bf doesn't necessarily start off being abusive or not as obviously so. The bf adapts to you and slowly undermines your confidence. The manosphere has it in their advertising material. The people fall for the manosphere are not slowly manipulated and abused by the manosphere. The manosphere is the new abusive boyfriend after the breakup with the last abuser. When the abuse already has been normalised and kinda wanted because at least it is "familiar".
So what is the first "abusive boyfriend"?
For me it was high school. Constantly being treated like shit by my peers for being weird and quiet really fucked me up. Fortunately things got better in college and I didn't fall into the manosphere crap but I very easily could have had I not found people to give me a break and help me learn to act more "normal" without being abusive towards me.
From what I could witness, most likely the "first abuser" is most likely a close family member, either the (step-)father or some uncle or grandfather - people who themselves believe in such values they call "traditional".
Father's need to support their sons, show empathy, and actually engage with their children in a meaningful way. Hug your fucking kids!
Elephant Graveyard said it first.
so is it just impossible for a woman to do something wrong or?
Yeah, but also (step-)mother or some aunt or grandmother, maybe even girlfriend. Not only men are pushing these "traditional" values.
This is true, but if even just one family member protected them from this harmful rhetoric, it saves hope for the kid.
maybe in a ultra conservative household. but more than not its the man of the house that influences the male children more.
In my life, I made a very different experience.
And I believe:
Sexist beliefs, traditions and norms are not only held up by men and ultra conservative women. We all do it together and as long as we act that we don't do it as a collective, we will continue to fail young man and women and turn more people into toxic sexist idiots.