this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2023
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Autism

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How to handle "you're too sensitive" and other similar remarks? (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 years ago by BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
39 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I'm learning that being told "you're too sensitive" and other such remarks is considered gaslighting. However, as autistic individuals, we are known for being highly sensitive, both with perceptions and emotions. So, I find myself wondering if perhaps I need to consider that I am more sensitive than the general population and accommodate what I see as their insensitivity, dismissiveness, and blame-shifting.

How do you handle being told "you're too sensitive"?

What do you think would be a healthy response?

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[–] CaptObvious@literature.cafe 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

At a younger age, I would just get confused and frustrated with no good way to address such issues. I never considered it gaslighting, though. They were being honest.

Today, I don’t bother. If someone tells me I’m too sensitive, I acknowledge that, from their perspective, I probably am. Then I disengage, get away as soon as possible, and avoid contact for a while. “A while” has sometimes meant “years.”

[–] stolid_agnostic@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

They weren’t being honest. They were being intolerant. You’ve internalized it somewhat, and I’m sorry for that.

[–] CaptObvious@literature.cafe 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I appreciate the empathy, but I disagree. They were being honest from their perspective. I can respect that.

There’ve been a few people over the years who tried to gaslight me. Tried. One advantage of my age and particular expression of autism is that I genuinely don’t care what most people think.

[–] stolid_agnostic@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You're lucky. The intolerance destroyed me.

[–] CaptObvious@literature.cafe 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're better.

[–] stolid_agnostic@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Never really found a way to recover. I don't have the best family where that's concerned.

[–] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Have you ever looked into unhealthy family roles, such as the scapegoat? When my therapist pointed that out to me, all of these confusing experiences and personalities that I just couldn't seem to understand or make happy made sense. That was the point: to always keep me trapped in a role where I wasn't good enough and that family problems were my fault. Once I got away, the whole system fell apart.