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I know exactly what this feels like.
I either get to enjoy eating and life in general, but feel like my body isn't big and muscular enough to feel like a confident man or work out all the time but stop eating what makes me happy and in general not enjoy meals.
Media constantly espouses body positivity for women, but men are either ripped or obese. There's no normal, and it makes men feel like they're not good enough.
Body positivity has been ignoring men for way too long.
Embrace dad bod, brother.
Dad bod doesn't necessarily mean overweight with a beer gut. But it does mean that you don't have time to go to the gym to be sculpted for aesthetics. Still plenty of strength and masculinity in it, however.