Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system...which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,
It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.
Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
I fail to see how this is not the case for everyone.
Absolutely no one has a habit of paying taxes. Or brushing their teeth.
I would argue that what you have is depression here, not adhd. You need help.
Yeah the "meat suit" comment makes me think some kind of dysmorphia or something , that's friggin weird man. Our meat suits are how we experience the universe and they profoundly impact our state of mind and being. To deny it demonstrates a very odd disconnect from reality.
I think the OP was being dramatic for emphasis with the "meat suit" comment. That said, I'm guessing that you're younger than me or have few health complaints. Not casting shade, but it's not exactly uncommon for people as they age to start feeling a mind-body disconnect. For example, my mind says, "I can redo my own roof!!!" and my knees say, "hahahaha foolish hu-mon," (they're Ferengi knees) "we will randomly dislocate your kneecaps the moment you get up there and you fall to your death." I'm not saying I think I have a "meat suit" every day, but there are definitely stretches of weeks when my body is having a spell that I definitely feel that way.
I actually do have a habit of brushing my teeth. It's part of my morning routine, which I do in the exact same order, every day. But, I'm autistic (I was diagnosed as a teen in the 80s). I'm one of those persons that has a very exact routine, and get really upset when my routine gets interrupted.
But, I do agree with you that some of those symptoms seem more indicative of depression than ADHD.