This is my favorite post of the morning. Laughed well and shared with a friend. Thanks, Onion.
this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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If hot tub handjobs really are a thing I've wasted my life
They are but are very dry. Water is not good lube. Better one person sits on the edge of the hot tube with there legs in the water.
Lazy rivers work also..
Skill issue.
Use silicone-based lube for water play.
Instructions unclear, silicone now in bladder.
Also, it's kinda ass to put that in someone else's filter system, and you don't want to be dealing with it in yours.
Yeah but like, the water is just going to clean everything off. Especially turbulent water like a hot tub
It doesn’t. It takes soap to get silicone lube off.
Doing anal with a girl in a hot tub isn’t much better
tub girl?
They are, so next time take off your floaties.
Nice try, I'd drown immediately if I did that
You want to go the pool route. In the hot tub there's little differentiation temperature wise.
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(4 replies)
Dammit! These are schwimmflügel, there IS a proper English term. Use It!
Edit: Thanks @dan@upvote.au I realized a left out a diacritic mark.
schwimmflugel
English
🤔
Kindergarten, Rucksack, Schadensfreude :)
It's actually Schadenfreude
Schadensfreude isn't invalid, it's just a rare variant. The "s" allows for a smoother connection between the two words. If this spelling is confusing, just pretend the "s" is silent.
I mean, it's at least not valid in German. There might be people using that word in English, I don't know.
Ze fix? Ich stehe korrigiert, danke!
Aber zu meiner Verteidigung: laut Ngram-Viewer ist Schadenfreude (~0.000130%) 144-mal so häufig wie Schadensfreude (~0.00000090%).
Do you mean silent as in ilent?
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(2 replies)
Floaties image search: https://duckduckgo.com/?q=floaties&t=ffab&ia=images&iax=images
Nary a schwimmflügel in those results at all. I rest my case.
Try again with the word 'arm' in front.
I much prefer to manipulate searches, and cherry pick results to fit my warped sense of humor, thanks.
Yeah that's fair
I mean this is a shitpost community after all. Best to ya!
my dad always called them floogles and i never knew why!
Parents can be mysterious, that way.
I read the caption before I took a good look at the picture and I assumed that "floaties" meant something very different.
Floaters greatly lessen my enjoyment of hot tubs as well.
Yeah spots everywhere and you don't know if its an bubble on your eye or just the floaties
Oh, I've got this far down the comments before realising we were maybe talking about arm based flotation devices and not turds.
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(4 replies)
Skill issue tbh
Yeah, just cum on the inside, problem solved.
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I love onions
Whatever floats your uhh… arms?
Safety first though!
Sounds like a challenge tbh
That's when you go for the foot job instead.
Honey, you have to put some elbow grease into it.
If anything it would make them faster as the floaties would increase the speed the hand goes up
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(1 replies)
"from German". I'm not being elitist, I am not German. But lent words have origins.
It prevents: "This isnt a beach, this is a bathtub" kinds of situations.
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