No Stupid Questions

What your dad did was wrong and it's understandable your mom would want to end her relationship with him, however that is between them and you should not have to end your relationship with him over it

Tell your mom you and her need to go to a therapist. Maybe a therapist can help to figure out how to move forward. Then tell your dad the same thing.

Maybe some of what was going on behind the scene will come out.

No one on lemmy will be able to give you a good idea of what to do or how to move forward.

I mean, look at what everybody is saying. Really read it. They’re all basically saying, make a decision without all the knowledge. There might one or two are saying something else, but I may have missed them.

Some are saying go live with your mom well that’s making a decision. That’s picking a side. Some are saying stay with your dad. It isn’t between you and your dad , it’s between your dad and your mom. But again that’s making a decision without all the knowledge.

Social media will give you a reactionary view in general. A therapist will sit you down and ask questions of not only you but also your mom and your dad. Then you have a better idea of what is going on. You may not have all the picture but at least you have an idea.

I think you should consider your mom is very hurt right now and my be overreacting by pulling you into the fight because of that. However, a cheater isn't a good role model and neither is the destroyer of marriages. She got that right.

IMO you should suggest a compromise, like staying with him, but berating him and his mistress from time to time and should also be transparent about it, so they know it's due punishment and a compromise for not leaving him.

Your mum is hurt and this is okay but the manipulation is not. As Judge Judy always said to divorced parents who tried to use their children against each other. , "You need to love your children more than you hate each other."

There’s a lot of assumptions and excuses for cheating in this thread. Mum shouldn’t be getting involved in whether you see your dad. Dad shouldn’t have cheated on mum.

If you're close with your dad you can ask him why. He has to explain himself. It's likely he will explain things that he didn't want to. There is the issue. If they filed, civilly, for divorce and then this happened, I know it would still be upsetting, but he did things in the wrong order. You can love someone who's done something shitty. However, it's their responsibility to provide you with an explanation. Just don't make the same mistakes he did. Ever again. I'm so sorry. Please go out and get a nice supper. It might help.

No you're not wrong for wanting to keep your dad in your life. Any reputable family counselor would say your mom shouldn't be asking you to pick a side. Your mom does need support though, but it isn't your job. What your dad did sounds really hurtful to her, as it would be for most people. Maybe he is your best friend, but being a parent is more than being a friend. It means being a role model & wanting to teach things like honesty & respect, especially for the people you're supposed to love.

Has your dad offered to pay for counseling for you to process these things & talk to a professional about? It sounds like you could probably use it. I don't know how old you are, but given that you're asking the question here & the way you're asking leads me to believe you'd be much better off talking to a professional about it.

Your parents have some beef they need to settle between themselves - not with you. Any parent requesting their kids to retaliate against the other parent is a red flag. It's manipulation. Beware of her !

Now, if your dad had done something to you and you felt like cutting ties, or perhaps your dad represents a serious threat to your mother and cutting ties is necessary for her safety, well that's a different case scenario. But that's not what you are telling us.

TLDR: you are not a bad person.

No. That doesn't make you a bad person. Frankly, I think it's awful that she's asking you to, but I imagine she's going through some things herself at the moment.

I think you have the right take here already- your relationship with your dad wasn't the one impacted.

Okay so... your dad is unequivocally a piece of shit. You said he's like your best friend, but are you okay with your best friend being a piece of shit? There need to be social consequences for being an unapologetic piece of shit (which one would need to be to have an affair with their personal assistant and then move in with her). Just business as usual isn't gonna cut it (think if instead of cheating he'd come out as a Nazi) and you would be condoning his actions if there aren't negative consequences of some form for this fiasco, though how much you escalate is up to you.

Edit: I have to say, the attitudes some of y'all have about parent-child relationships range from ungrateful to absolutely deplorable. Like, seriously if I heard "it's the parent's job to emotionally support their children, not the other way around" from someone in real life I wouldn't let that person within five miles within anyone I care about.