Anyone who spends more on a watch than a car has poor money management. Fuck, what a waste. There's no way any watch is worth more than $1000 other than for clout which is stupid.

Holds up wrist sporting a Casio F-91W "Al-Qaida"

Big deal... This watch also costs more than my car.

Last time I gave a fuck was when I were with your wife

Do you say shit like that because nobody can tell the difference between your watch and a cheap one?

A new London bus costs around £300k, so whilst is plausible that the watch cost more than my 'car', it's a pretty stupid way of spending that amount of money...

Do have some other investmentadvice I shouldn’t heed?

All these comments are trying too hard. The only two options are "OK?" and "that watch?"

Verbose disses only work in rap

My car was a present, any watch costs more than my car

"Okay?"

I am not a friend of clever comebacks. People who point these things out are pathetic and people who get triggered by that only slightly less so.

"Does it keep better time than my 15 dollar digital Casio? Is it sturdier? Will it last longer? Is it more comfortable? No? So you spent a ridiculous amount of money to buy a less functional watch made out of precious essential materials just to try to impress people like me?"

Honestly though, if you want to piss watch people off, just say "Oh, it looks just like a regular watch, thanks for pointing it out".

So being rich is a fairly new thing to you? What are you gonna do when you get used to it?

The classic "OK boomer" still gets them angry, if that's what you're after

I guess it's true, money can't buy taste.

Fun fact: Alec Baldwin's character was invented for the movie to provide exposition. The filmmakers didn't trust movie-going audiences to pick up the information from the three conversations that occur at the beginning of the play.

Why the fuck would I drive a watch ?

Damn thats a cheap watch, is it Chinese too?

"Interesting, may I see?" And when they hold their wrist up to you, inspect it closely, then lick it, make some faces like a wine connoisseur, shake your head and say :"It's fake" turn around and disengage.

Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.

"Good for you. Have a cookie. My $20 Casio tells the time just as well."

"So?"

That's the response you want. Complete andutter boredom. You don't care. Their entire personality is built around a weird little status structure and if you don't buy into their hallucination they lose their everloving minds

"I don't have a car"

A shame, such a tasteless choice. If you had as much class as money, you'd have chosen something like a vintage 1960s submariner rather than a frivolous toy available on every high street in the world.

Serious answer:

That's cool. What makes it special?

Sometimes people talk about how expensive something they own is simply because they're proud that they could afford it and even when they're being tone-deaf, there's no benefit to getting offended when you could just move the conversation along instead. (Although you might have to listen to them talk about watches.) If they were trying to brag, now they're stuck trying to explain why the watch is actually worth what they paid and you're the one judging them.

Cars (and watches) aren't so expensive that a middle-class person can't plausibly already own the one he would buy even if money was unlimited. You can act like that's true about you. My status-conscious former mother in law was bothered by the fact that I owned an old car, but when she would bring it up I would just say "I really like the 2008 model." She couldn't argue with that.

"Oh, you could only afford one watch?"

Sounds like you got ripped off

If only you had learned to tell time.

"You should have saved up a bit more and bought something less gaudy"

"Ok?"

"that's a lot of money for such an ugly watch."

What kind of dumbass would spend that much on a watch?

I don't have a car

I don't care to respond

I don't mind sounding poor.

Wealth beyond what is good for you is no better than theft I'd say. Buying expensive watches while little children grow up in poverty is nothing to be proud of. If anyone should feel shame it should be that guy. Don't be humiliated by such shameless assholes. And don't try to counter attack, It won't work, they don't share your values, they feel no shame for the things that they do. Instead let's organize and fight them where it hurts. Taxes, taxes, taxes.

If you need to point out the watch and explain its value, you've already lost.

"Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!"

"that's cute!"

You see this? This is called a "smart phone." Not only will this tell me the time like your watch, but it can also do a bunch of other things. I can look at pictures of raccoons wearing silly hats or I can use it to insult someone on the other side of the planet. It also cost a fraction of what your watch cost. I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think it should go and get your money back. It sounds like you've been scammed. As a matter of fact, let me give you my friend's phone number. He's an accountant, and I think he'll be able to help stop you from making stupid purchases in the future.

You gotta understand this proving your worth by buying ridiculously expensive shit and then bringing attention to it is an attitude of "new money"

Rich people who have been rich for generations will have the same time piece but they will not even think about it. It's granted to them, part of their life that they would never question. Like you putting on socks.

And that is the attitude that new money cannot understand. Hell that's kind of what the great gatsby is about, new money just not getting that the expensive shit is just more furniture.

So the most frustrating thing to this mindset is to treat it as no big deal, or even weird that they would bring it up which really it is

I mean it's one car, Alec. What could it cost? Ten dollars?

Does your watch get good milage?