"what?"

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that"

"one more time?"

"ok. thanks for letting me know."

"It's certainly a nice looking piece of jewelry"

"It's not my fault you're stupid"

laughs gently and sighs

"This is a six ounce cup of bath water from a YouTube influencer..."

"Nice, but I kinda prefer the newer model from the spring catalogue. The subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark."

Sorry I'm not into bracelets

"So, you're both rich and stupid"

“Common sense is a flower that does not grow in everyone’s garden”

Yeah, but can your watch drive you to the store ?

"I wouldn't want to paint a target on my back like that. Did you hear about Chesterwick's son getting kidnapped while backpacking in Burma?"

get really really enthusiastically interested in the watch. ask for details seem super impressed. massage that wealthy ego to the point of basically a blow job. but then just like keep going. see how long you can keep the topic on that one specific watch. don't ever let him talk about anything that the watch means or about the dynamic he tried to establish.

optionally, loose interest and leave without ever having let anything be said that wasn't about the watch. this is how you weaponize autism against egotists.

"Didn't ask"

Man, it is a shame you can't buy class because you could use some.

I think the really wealthy old-money people would never say such a thing. Because such a thing just wouldn't occur to them. And if someone said that to them, they'd just kind of smile and nod the same way they would to a toddler. Maybe say "Ah, yes, very good." So that's probably the best response.

But if I were writing a screenplay and had to come up with a one-liner I'd probably go with, "Just goes to show you can't buy class."

"I don't get my happiness from material worth."

“What kinda mileage does it get?”

“Cool, I went to the bar with my friends last night. What did you do?”

“Can you get me some more water?”

"Cool story bro. Needs more dragons."

"mine was 5 bucks at goodwill, sounds like you got scammed, sorry"

I'd just start laughing and point at them.

good, maybe you can sell it to buy some human decency then

"that's so sad"

But realistically probably nothing, someone like that isn't going to care enough about what you think to be affected by what you say.

That's quiet an expensive way to look cheap

"and yet your dad still don't love you."

I have friends.

And I have the same watch, but paid $25 for it on a market in Cambodia.

So you are fiscally irresponsible and you are proud of it? Good to know…

"Yes, your fancy jewelry is very pretty. Good job."

Edit: after I stopped laughing, of course.

I wouldn't even hide that watch up my ass.

“I don’t mean to victim blame, but I try not to look like I’m worth mugging.”

don't. make a "oh poor guy" face and move on. he wants you to engage, to be angry, if you don't he will be mad

"What's your point?"

A lot of replies here still wander into sounding mad imo Instead, I would fake not getting the insult and just make them uncomfortable by saying something like "Wow that's cool :D" and then just move on. Sort of like when you acknowledge a child doing something dumb but they're so proud of it you don't want to ruin it for them.

I can afford not to have a watch.

What is it for?