No Stupid Questions

I really hated highschool, so avoiding anything remotely like that has been my main guideline.

That's the neat thing: as an adult, you dont have to decide. You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

By doing the next obvious thing until I'd tried enough things to be sure where I wanted to be. Took until my late 30s, but the stuff before that was fun and/or interesting too.

Well, I grew up depressed and with constant thoughts of suicide, so that had a pretty big impact. I was kind of naturally good at schoolwork, but was hamstrung from the fact that I disliked actually doing homework at home (if felt too boring and I would get distracted), and that I constantly stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning, so I was always exhausted. And while I sometimes found the actual learning or schoolwork engaging, I hated the school environment, where it seemed all my teachers found me, at best, to be a kid who was safe to ignore and, at worst, an annoying burden; while my peers would bully me constantly and exclude me from basically all social activities.

Eventually it got to the point where I was actively looking forward to the day when I would kill myself so that I wouldn't have to suffer living anymore. But that day kept seeming far away. Eventually I had a kind of gradual waking up, where I realized that if I wasn't going to kill myself, I had to find a way to make my life worth living - because I couldnt accept living like this for another 70 years.

So I started trying to figure out why I was so miserable, what would make me happy, and how to change my life to achieve those ends.

My nerdiness led me to studying the sciences, which eventually led me to software, where I got a job.

But my loneliness and depression led me to discovering that spending time in nature, exercise, eating healthy food, and having good social interactions made me happier.

When I got my first software job, I realized that the florescent lighting and grey cubicals reminded me of my school environment, and I hated it again. So I found the concept of early retirement. At this point, my experiences in the outdoors and being friends with outdoorsy people served me well - I knew that I could endure and excell in conditions of physical discomfort, and that I could figure things out for myself with enough tinkering.

So I built out my own camper van and lived in it while working as a software developer, saving up a bunch of money and putting it into index funds. When covid hit, I was able to buy 2 houses, and now I rent those out for some passive income.

Once I had all that done, I quit my software job. These days I live off of those passive investments, doing the repairs and property management myself for the most part. And then I supplement that income sometimes with some part time work as a concert rigger. A lot of the time I'm just in my van travelling around, spending time with friends, and rock climbing.

It's hard to give advice to an internet stranger, but here are some of the things I think would have been useful for me to know.

First - learn how to look good. Get a good haircut, wear good clothes that fit, and keep yourself clean and groomed. In all of these things, look for ways to express your values, personality, and lifestyle. First impressions matter a lot, and how you present yourself is your first first impression.

Second - there is a lot to be said for working hard, being smart, never giving up, and committing to the grind. But the two biggest gaps I had were mindset and social skills, which are inextricably linked.

Sometimes you really just have to embrace the suck and grind it out - but things tend to work out much better if you have a positive attitude, are happy with your life and where it is going, like who you are as a person, and expect your life to be full of excellent opportunities. I dont believe that "everything happens for a reason". But I believe that everything that happens can be a valuable lesson - so you can be grateful for the good things that happen to you because they are good, and grateful for the bad things that happen to you because these are the things which help you learn and grow as a person.

And when you have a light-hearted, can-do attitude, you tend to find you are rarely short of friends. Get comfortable meeting new people, push yourself to find the people you really click with, and deepen your relationships with the people you find. Always keep going out and finding new connections, and try to find something positive about every person you meet - even if you might not want to spend a ton more time with them. These people will form your social support network, who can pick you up when life has beat you down. They will imbue you with their own energy and ideas, so you can see how many opportinities you really have. And on a practical level, they will open up professional opportinities for you to advance your career or switch careers. In particular, try to get out and meet people outside your normal peer group age-wise. Older people can often be a wealth of knowledge and opinions gained from a lot more life experience than you have, and younger people tend to have a lot of interesting ideas and energy from not being encumbered by some of life's harsher blows.

Third, take care of yourself. Drink water, eat protein and vegetables, avoid junk food, avoid excess screen time, exercise regularly, sleep well as often as you can, get out into the fresh air and sunshine.

A good question to ask yourself:
What do you love or want?

Just ask yourself this question, and answer honestly. Then ask yourself - "how do I do that?" Then, try something to achive your goal. You can take this exercise as far as you want, planning a whole life for yourself that is truly amazing - but it should be noted that this only works if you actually get started on the work. Sometimes we get paralyzed, thinking that our ideas for how to get from A to B arent good enough, or will obviously fail. But often, just by standing up and getting started, we find new, better ideas coming to us as we work.

If you find that question really difficult, then here is an easier one:
What do you HATE?

This one tends to be easier, because the things we hate tend to be a lot more concrete and easier to bring to mind. Maybe you hate sitting in traffic, or not having a new video game you really want, or sitting under florescent light bulbs. Good! Now ask yourself: how can I avoid these things as much as possible? The answers to these questions often won't lead you to a life you want - but they will often lead you in the right direction.

How did you decide what to do with your life? What free wisdom can you share?

Try things. Experience everything open to you. Seek out even more experiences. You will find lots and LOTS of things that you don't like, but the more you do, you'll start picking up pieces of concepts you like. Those will guide you to making the next set of choices. Rinse repeat until you have a partially formed direction, then follow that direction and see where it leads you. I am shocked how many little "dead end" skills or experiences allowed me to take a next step into something moving me forward. There's no way in hell anyone could have given me a list and said "these are the experiences that will pay off".

Also there are some hard truths to life and you identify skills/talents/affinities you have when talking about your career:

• You can be good/talented at ThingX
• You can like doing ThingX
• There is a market for ThingX and people will pay you good money to do it.

For a very few number of people, they get all three. Most people have to settle for two and muddle through. You cannot move forward with a specific ThingX if you only have one.

Also, trying to be the best at something professionally will be nearly impossible. Even if you get there for a moment, the world is just too big, and there will always be someone better than you at a specific thing professionally soon. Trying to scrap to stay at the peak is an unsustainable road to ruin. However, being just pretty good at two different things that intersect is VERY achievable, and you will be competing against a tiny handful of people that have those same two skills. Thats the sweet spot. Your skills and ebb and flow between your two specialties over your career and you can ride the wave professionally when one starts waning, you can lean into the other one. At times, both of your skills will be in demand, and you will be extremely valuable and employable. Cash in when that happens and take the work with the full knowledge that it doesn't last. Save during the good years and your lean years will be an easy ride.

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It was an accident

Might be obvious, but see what topics or broad subjects you like or dislike and use them to narrow down your options. Also applies to skills or processes. If you enjoy creating something from scratch or solving problems for example, that could help you decide on a career or category of careers you'd have fun (or at least not dread) doing. For an admittedly extreme example I've been set on engineering since sixth grade not because I had some pre-existing passion for R&D or building stuff, but because I liked math and science (but not biology, fuck biology) and hated memorization (and humanities pretty much by extension). If you don't have the information about yourself to choose these kinds of criteria, then you should try new stuff until you do. This could be coding, a new language or even sewing or whatever, but the best way to get to know yourself is to expose yourself to new things and see what sticks and what doesn't.

It was the only thing I’m really good at, and I enjoy doing it.

Turns out, I like doing it for me, not as much doing it for some big corpo. But hey, I’m still good at it.

Now I get to do it for me again, cause I started my own business, and I’m a lot happier than I was in my twenties and early thirties.

College. You have no idea what jobs are even possible to do until you put yourself out there. Learn a couple skills, find an avenue that interests you and dive in. I've just stumbled into most things but wanted to do something that would be useful in everyday life too. Became a cook then a chef, went to trade school for auto mechanics. Now I run a marina?! PSA: Don't buy a boat!

Well. First my body made it clear I had to eat and drink. Then it became clear I had to have shelter. Then I realized I just have to do whatever I can get my hands on doing to not die. So that's what I'm doing.

Unless your mommy and daddy have a lot of money, you're not going to have a whole lot of choice in the matter. You're just going to do what you have to.