this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2025
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Funny

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[–] JayleneSlide@lemmy.world 47 points 2 days ago

When I was a child, my family visited a Chinese restaurant in Washington DC, and we received hilarious gag fortune cookies. Mine said "If you're reading this, the poison hasn't worked yet."

My mother's asshole boyfriend got one that said "Some people have it, some people don't. And you don't." He lost his shit. Fumed for days, and I laughed my ass off.

[–] Skyline969@lemmy.ca 32 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I got one yesterday that said “You will always live in interesting times.” I got a cursed fortune cookie.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Did you at least get to meet Rincewind, Two Flower, and Cohen the Barbarian?

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 days ago

Not an attack. Pretty solid advice in this day and age.

[–] PhoreTwunny@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago

Pfft if I didn't listen to the judge, I'm definitely not going to listen to some dumb fortune cookie

[–] erie09@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] Malfeasant@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Struggling with how to read that... Punctuation would help... Are the professionals trained in bed? Or is the reader meant to seek their help in bed? Instructions unclear, fortune cookie stuck in dick.

[–] d00phy@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

I prefer “… in prison.”

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

At least it didn't say, "You will have sex with your mother."

A rare occasion when adding "in bed" doesn't actually make it worse.

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This would go great in reactionmemes too.

[–] MantisToboggon@lazysoci.al 4 points 2 days ago

Seems like you do.

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

You know it's bad when the fortune cookies tell you to seek professional help

People other than Chinese restaurant owners buy fortune cookies?