Asklemmy

Based upon my actions, I tend to avoid people probably from a fear of judgement, and maybe partly because I think I am better than them because I like to think I'm more informed than them usually. I also like to think and tell myself that I like people even when I don't necessarily live up to that in reality. In general, I try to assume that people are good, while keeping in mind that they are inherently selfish.

Even if people say and have a lot of naive or ignorant viewpoints, I try to remind myself they may partly hold those viewpoints to feel better about themselves. Everyone wants to feel like they are important, and some people do that by tearing other people down. If the only way someone can feel better about themself is by telling themselves at least they aren't black, gay, trans, a lib, a commie, a repub, poor, etc. then they must have a pretty sad life.

In general, I adore and like people. Capable of such beautiful things!

I like seeing people smile and interacting with them in order to absorb that light and shine it back. And if none seem to be there, I like to try and get one going.

But I get anxious where there are masses of people present. City streets. Malls. Campuses.

It’s not that I suddenly dislike people. I just get overwhelmed with my adhd and base quirks, too much stimuli and too much of everything going on everywhere.

I love people as individuals for the most part, i.e unless they specifically give a reason not to. Many do give that reason, unfortunately. But the vast majority never do, in my (privileged?) experience, which is amazing and exciting to me.

But I tend to avoid masses of people. Not because I dislike them, but because I dislike the anxiety I gain.

I like some people and dislike others. I neither like not dislike people as a general category. I am an introvert because I require chunks of solitude to function. I am outgoing because I enjoy socialization.

I'm not hyper social - like at work there are people who only like to go get coffee WITH someone, I don't even think about that, just go get coffee if I want it.

But I am comfortable with people and do like them & care about them, not a misanthrope. I think just because I am not usually alone, I like being alone. If I was usually alone, I'd want to hang out with people more.

Do I think we are a force for good in the world? No, I think collectively we are a big ol fuckup. But people can be so funny, so insightful, loving, helpful too. And I do think that over time we are improving, like two steps forward and one step backwards - the past was so violent, even in my lifetime my city has gotten much less violent. And we keep learning more about the world and universe.