Asklemmy

I have.

It's, just sometimes that occurs when I eat.

Munching for a bit, then hook my finger and pull my hair out.

I can't push my hair back, because it is wavy and demands to be able to flow over my shoulders.

I can't tie it up lest it rebels and consumes the hairband.

I have just learned to accept it. Have you?

Lemmy, I have a problem. I fuck up social interactions incredibly frequently, far more often and severely than others do.

I will be speaking what I feel is casually and consistently, and the person I am speaking with will suddenly have a significant change in their demeanor and speech. It both makes me feel bad that they react this way and frustrates me that I made an incorrect interaction.

This doesn't really occur with people I don't know well. Rather, it occurs with the people I spend the most time with...my coworkers. I am forced to interact with them all day due to my specific job. With one of them, I would consider them to be my only friend.

I have noticed that they all have specific unspoken "triggers" of speech or behavior that I need to minimize or hide when in front of them. But there are always instances where I cannot recognize a pattern. And even when I can kind of figure out a pattern, I sometimes fail to implement it.

You know the phrase, "think before you speak" right? But how the hell does one apply that to large swaths of conversations that occur all day long? It would be incredibly jarring and odd for me to make large pauses between each and every sentence I make. Is there a better shortcut to this?

Here are some examples of "off limits" speech/behavior patterns that I have noticed among various people:

Coworker 1 - speech that shows mental weakness (esp anxiety), making a workplace error, anxious body language (this one is particularly difficult)

Coworker 2 - speech that shows mental weakness (esp anxiety), statements that are too negative, offering to let them leave work early

Coworker 3 - statements that are too negative, mentioning my dad, statements that may give them too much anxiety (sometimes difficult to discern), talking about coworker 1 too much in a negative way (even tho we both think coworker 1 is a bitch)

Coworker 3 also has repeatedly told me that I can come to them with issues, but they always get upset if I say something too negative. They seem to occasionally ask me trick questions too like "are you ok?" even though I know I'm not supposed to answer truthfully. I don't understand this behavior or how to deal with it.

Coworker 4 - talking too much in general about any topic (they would just prefer I shut up tbh unless there is zero work)

Yes, there is some overlap among them, but they still have a lot of differences that are difficult for me to discern.

I mean, I guess the "easiest" solution would to try to never talk again outside of any speech that is immediately necessary to do my job. Coworker 4 essentially does this. But it is tricky to do and a bit depressing. As a human (I think??), I am unfortunately a social creature. And it does get a bit frustrating that I can't be authentically me.

Would appreciate some guidance. Sorry for the long post and thanks if you stuck around this far!

how would you tell, since “narcissist” is used so often to describe a regular, typical asshole.

I know it in the spec stylesheets but why was this made like this?

I'm having some difficulty accessing my overseerr and calibre servers from outside the local network. I'm running NordVPN and I can access them when I don't have the VPN on, but I run it all the time, so under that condition I can't access my libraries remotely.

Edit: duh. I'm on Linux Mint 22.1

Do you have a set time, or do you do it on the deadline date, or perhaps whenever you remember to?

I am trying to figure out when I should.

I don’t mean this in a rude way. Feels like the past week or so has had some bizarre questions asked.

How is it different than hell? What are the punishments? What acts get one sent there?

What are things that you look for?

What are some red flags?

"Everything has a name", if something is made, used, discovered or imagined, there is probably at least one name for it.

The cap at the top of a flagpole ('truck'). A single primary vein down the middle of typical leaves ('midrib'). The coating sheath at the end of shoelaces ('aglet'). The creases across the inside of your wrist ('rasceta'). The protective enclosure of a radar, including the nose cone of most airliner planes ('radome'). The square hole in the top of an anvil ('hardy hole'). The iconic football/soccer ball design, that is, the truncated icosahedron with pentagonal black and hexagonal white panels (Adidas's 'Telstar' design). All those different types of cave mineral deposits like stalactites, flowstone, frostwork and moonmilk ('speleothem').

(Any language is fine)

I won’t be able to respond to answers until tomorrow on this but I will come back.

So, I’m early 40’s and had the same group of like 10+ friends since my mid teens. I am unique in that I’m a nerd but also quite streetwise because I spent all my time with my chav mates. I only mention this for context that we may all have been fundamentally different people and it’s just due to a shit home life I ended up wanting to chill with friends more than my desire to just geek out and learn random stuff or pursue whatever special interest I have at the time.

Around 5 years ago I got diagnosed with ADHD and it really got my life on track after medication. At the same time I was lucky enough to land a job on the Genius Bar for Apple and they supported me through the diagnosis and then bettering my life.

I managed to upskill and I’m now a software developer. Now during this time I was still abusing a lot of drugs: cocaine socially, Xanax (from the darkweb) when depressed, and weed lots of fucking weed.

Gradually I started making better choices and not really touching cocaine aside from as a treat every so often. Weed I can smoke at weekend whilst I go rock climbing and not do it in the week and don’t need to do it at weekend either. Xanax I stopped cold turkey and almost died.

I then started to notice that most of my friends were fair weather friends and they didn’t treat our friendship with the same consideration I would when making decisions. So me and my longest friend decided to just cut out those people from our lives and it’s been just me and him chilling together a lot, but now he is really annoying and I’m noticing more and more how selfish and negative he is.

To give a couple of examples:

• If I tell someone I’m going to be there in 30 minutes. Then I’m going to be there around that time and if not I would keep them updating or rush to keep time. He last week text to say he was dropping his dad off and will be at mine. Now we have each other on FindMy so if one loses our phone we can still find it. So I know how long it takes to get to his dads and then to mine. I get offered lunch at home and decline cause I think he won’t be long. 2.5 hours later no word and on FindMy he is still at his dads. So I text to say I’m going out for cause I’m hungry and he is a long guy. No remorse from him at all. He will message sometimes to say come out (as he is coming to pick me up) but I check FindMy and he’s 10-15 mins away. So why inconvenience me and make me stand outside when he ain’t even close.
• again tonight I was coming back from work on the train and we were going to link up, but he had football training and said he would be back at 20:20. I get to town at 18:00 so it’s not worth getting home at 19:15 to go back out an hour later so I said no worries I’ll chill in town and get some food and be back in our town at 20:20. I get off the tram at 20:16 and text to say hey just getting off tram and he replies I’ve got 4 lads to take home then drop my kid at his mums (adult kid) and then he’ll be back. Which means about 21:00. So why tell me 20:20? I just said no worries I’m going home to bed.
• these things happen several times a week and it frustrates me that they don’t think of me with the same consideration as I do them.
• last example even though I have hundreds. He owes me £600 and on Monday asked for another £70 but this is until Wednesday. This morning I put a question mark next to the message that he asked for the money, as a prod to say did you forget. He responded with I said Wednesday it’s only Thursday stop sweating me 😂. Like WTF. Thursday is after Wednesday and all I did was ask.

So i guess my question is how do i deal with the fact I’ve wasted so much time on these people that clearly don’t care as much as i do and that the friendship is one sided.

I honestly feel like writing the £600 off as the price to just fuck him off and do my own thing. I don’t think I can find new friends as I’m older now but honestly I would spend more than £600 paying for things like food and days out on him before I actually get the money he owes me back and it hurts man. Like really bad and I don’t know what to do.

The other thing, and I’ll try keep this the final thing as I know I’m rambling now due to frustration and just being sad, is that although I can be depressed a lot and not want to be alive, not that I want to end it, but I’d rather not be here type thing. Is I keep that shit bottled up and try and be positive around other people and I genuinely always try not to dwell on negatives and use positive intent with people as negatively is crippling. This guy is the epitome of negativity, like just moans all the time. Moans about traffic whilst he is traffic, moans about cyclists even though that’s one less car on the road, moans about literally anything. He could find £20 on the floor and find a negative in it.

Fuck. I feel better just getting this off my chest to be honest but would appreciate any insights, advice, or similar stories that might help me not be impulsive.

Edit: He did just message to say sorry about that football was a piss take, which shows he did actually think about it when he got finished, but he still would have known he had to stop people off before we made our arrangements.

For example, I'm incredibly confused about how you're supposedly to measure liquid laundry detergent with the cap. At least the kind that I have sits on it's side, so if you measure it with the cap it just leaks everywhere and makes a mess.

Or at my parents house they have a bag of captain crunch berries that has a new design, where instead of zipping along the top of the bag like normal, it has a zipper in the front slightly beneath the top. That way when you poor it you can't see what you're doing cuz the bag is in the way. Like what the heck who's idea was that?

I've been using YouTube since forever, and it's the only corporate social media platform (beside Discord) that I still use. However, I would like to explore PeerTube, does anyone have some recommendations for good PeerTube channels and other tips and tricks for PeerTube itself?

i have a lot going on besides that. just broke up with a guy, realized i wasn’t even into guys (but it stung more that he didn’t pay attention to me/care regardless), then having some rocky relationships with my gf (open relationship) and long-time friend, the latter i’m cutting contact with. (meaning i will only talk to her if i have to or if she talks to me first)

with all of this, my anxiety’s acting up and i’m a bit (still although it got better) on edge.

Like do the average Chinese people not know the party leadership? (genuine question and curiosity-thus asking .ml)

I was curious how well it would work for switching between projects at work. I manage IT for several different offices and sometimes it is difficult to switch between my many various projects.

Does the instance a user is on (visible after their username) affect how they are perceived, either positively or negatively, by you or others?

My girlfriend and I are planning to move in together in ~3 months.

I own a small apartment in Amsterdam, my mortgage, heating, water and electricity is about 2000 Euro a month, and I earn 30% more than she does.

Some context: Amsterdam is damn expensive and in an housing crisis, since living here she's been paying about 1000/m to rent a room. Both of us earn quite well and money isn't tight

What is a fair way to split costs? I've heard everything from she should live here for free because I was paying for everything anyway to we should split everything 50/50, and I'm not sure what is fair.

I don't think 50/50 is fair, because the way I see it, I'm going to get back a fair amount of the money I pay to my mortgage when I sell the apartment.

So what is fair? My gut feeling is something like we split the heating, electricity, groceries etc. 50/50. And she pays say 500 Euro a month for living here (less than half what she's used to paying in rent)