Asklemmy

I identify with so much of this. First off, I, first half forties, also did the Genius Bar to software development track. Good on ya. Leveling up your skills while working that demanding job says a lot.

There are multiple things I'd suggest. First, since you've invested a lot of time in the relationship, just approach him honestly and directly and let him know that these trends annoy you. Let him know that it's disrespectful and ask him if to take your time into consideration. If he gets offended or objects, fuck him.

Next, I also have a tendency to hate life (even though I've got a good one, it's more like I hate the world and our trajectory) and think about wishing I wasn't alive. Same thing. Don't want to die. Just don't want to be here. Think about getting into therapy. I'm a huge advocate for talk therapy as it enabled me to radically change the course of my life. I was emotionally underdeveloped, diagnosed bi-polar, and hated myself. I reached the point of loving myself in 2019. It was a huge accomplishment.

Further, plan on seeing more than one therapist before finding the right one. I've had to meet at least one dud before finding a good fit each time (decades of therapy, moved to a different part of the country, one retired after a lot of years, so four duds and three good fits). Don't give up because the chemistry isn't a good match. Try again.

Finally, some of the friends that I've made came from online apps. One is someone I went on a date with and we liked each other but had no romantic chemistry. This person is now one of my closest friends and she and her partner do stuff with me and my partner today. You can use the apps in a just-looking-for-friends mode. Just let your partner know ahead of installing them (you said you were offered food and I'm guessing your software dev job means no roommate).

Good luck!

Yo, chill. Some people are really bad at time estimation. Some people forget about shit. Sometimes life just happens. He may not be certain why he's doing the things he's doing, or he may think it's not a big deal. Communication is important, but often neglected when it comes to male platonic relationships. If you haven't been communicating these things, do it. And be gentle. There's the chance that he may honestly be aware but doesn't know why these things are happening; he just hasn't said anything because you haven't.

I just said no worries I’m going home to bed.

Like this right here. No. You don't say this unless you mean it. Don't lie to your friends, don't lie to yourself. If it bothers you, say something.

And the most important thing about all this is to try not to be confrontational. Again, he may be aware that he's fucking up. It may be something he's very insecure about.

He responded with I said Wednesday it’s only Thursday stop sweating me 😂.

Like, this suggests to me that he may be aware and that it's possibly eating him. Or maybe he meant next Wednesday.

Is I keep that shit bottled up and try and be positive around other people and I genuinely always try not to dwell on negatives and use positive intent with people as negatively is crippling.

Also, take it from someone who used to do this, this is extremely toxic to yourself; and your friend's constant negativity isn't healthy either. You're both on the extremes here, it might be worth trying to help him find the good things by talking to him and pointing out the silver linings in things while asking him to let you vent when life's eating you up.

Put him on a payment plan, so that instead of asking for 600 every time you talk to him you ask for 60 and it's not a huge deal.

I used to feel this way all the time. I left all of them for atheism and a strong desire for more self growth. I grew a ton, but I have no friends. That is mostly because I was on a bicycle and in a crash with 2 SUVs 11 years ago and am stuck in involuntary social isolation.

Be cognizant of doing things for people that they would not do for you. Don't feel guilty for interacting with stupid people on their level. If you are objectively the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room. It is okay to grow, acknowledge this, and act upon it.

You're never too old to make new friends. I'm mid 30's and started a new job in a different city last year. Just talk to people casually, say good morning, ask how they are, just simple pleasantries. I haven't hung out with these people mostly because of living proximity, but I'm chummy with most, we play some games together, and I think we enjoy each other's company. I have little doubt that if I asked to hang out or grab a drink, people would do so if available. Most of these people are 5-10 years younger, so we do have a gap in life experiences, but I've found that the age gap matter less the older I get. I can give wisdom and tell stories of my life and their lives kind of make me feel a little younger again.

As someone that has just been screened for ADHD and waiting for my follow-up, I feel like I can relate to your experience. A lot of what you said resonates with my life other than the coke and Xanax. The weed is real, and unfortunately, the booze for me. I've gone through plenty of introspection and have identified places where I know I can be a turd friend. I noticed how I was negative a lot, and have taken conscious steps to not burden my friends. Don't get me wrong, we'll piss and moan about things, but I had to make the effort to be better. I'm not good and time estimating no matter how confident I am. If I'm meeting with people setting times, I will for sure over estimate what I think is right so I don't make people wait. Really, my wife has been extremely invaluable in my adult life, and I'd probably be in a much worse place if not for that support.

I say all of this because as I think that you know, not all all negative actions are intentional or sometimes even recognizable when you're doing it. I've lost sleep over saying the wrong thing or doing something that is a minor inconvenience because I feel so guilty. I feel like from your story, that maybe your friend has issues and isn't intentionally screwing you. To parrot one of the other posts, I would say talk to your buddy about things that bother you. Don't come in hot or anything, just ease into it. Anyone that is a real friend will listen to your concerns and at least try to make an effort. Some people are blind to their issues and maybe just needs someone to help them out.

Best of luck my dude. It's tough out there and I hope you find your way through this one. Don't be afraid to meet new people.

There are roughly 8 billion people in this world. That's a lot of possibilities!

Don't lose your positivity for anyone in life no matter the relationship. Keep your mind open and let the emotional flow well flow don't stop the emotional flow because then you stop in that emotional state.

Hold your head up and focus on being your authentic self. The rest plays out as it's supposed to.

I would recover that debt, then set boundaries.

If somebody can show up on time, or keep their word regularly, life is too long to be sitting around with a dick in your hand when you could banging hookers while hitting the rails...

it is is amazing how these types of clowns are never late for that type of event

If you haven't read up on setting boundaries now is a good time. Practice setting them and remember that people will not like it sometimes, but that's okay. Change is hard sometimes, but it sounds like you're ready for one. Best of luck to you!

I am terrible with time and stress and managing all that and it definitely backfires on my friends. Especially when The Day comes and I have somehow stacked overlapping plans. I dont do it on purpose but the stress of life is honestly becoming overwhelming for me and it does spill over to effect my plans with my friends. Maybe talk to them? I try and my friends are very understanding but they do get annoyed. Its why I never make plans, to stressed to remember them.

if he can find a negative on everything, it won't be too difficult to find one on you, just my two cents.