Yes, I spent years on therapy. I've also spent just as much time attempting to self correct when I could find the chance to. I've been in numerous situations over the years to give me the opportunity and I'm eternally grateful for each one. Take the time to read through the rest of these comments, so you can see what I've been through, because I've answered this question before.
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joined 2 weeks ago
Yes, I started smoking cigs + weed in my teen years sparingly for fear of being caught by family. I was a good two shoes and kept my nose clean until I turned 21, then I became a really heavy drinker. Not an alcoholic, but going out with friends, I realized I needed to drop almost twice the amount of cash in order to feel something, not necessarily use it to make conversation easier, but to feel the effects lol. At 25, I then dove into psychs and disso, and boy, my life changed. It's been....interesting and I do NOT want to give that experience up at all. I feel liberated knowing and seeing things that most people would wait lifetimes to perceive. At least, that's what I believe. Entering my 30s, I'm actually surprisingly sober now. Hence, why I am now suffering the consequences of my actions throughout my 20s and being ultra-destructive to self and others. What an interesting life so far.
Yes I have, I've had multiple sessions spanning from different providers with different credentials each (psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor, LMFT) and all these different visits spanned across years of my life. Between 3-5 years now that I recall. I don't regret most, but I regret some. I've told some of them some very traumatizing things and can't help but feel judged as a human, even though they are literally paid to not judge me. It's a difficult thing to balance in my brain right now.
Honestly, I have 3 degrees, and the job market has been ridiculous. I suppose I only have myself to blame for not picking my major as Business or something easily marketable. I have been getting back into watching anime. Other than that, no. All the hobbies I want to pursue cost money. I cant parse anything out for that at the moment.
I see, it's asking me to make a fediverse account? I only have a lemmy. What is that?
I'm just gonna quote myself from an earlier comment:
"That’s sort of how it started with my path. I was constantly being spammed with invites to outings, or messages about checking up on each other etc, just friendly things. I decided it was all too overwhelming and didn’t want to maintain those relationships due to being overwhelmed by it all at once. I am now paying the price. At least for the time being."
it's asking me to log in but my credentials don't work for whatever reason.
That won't solve my pressing issues at hand. At least, in a way that I can see directly and immediately benefits me. Perhaps in the future, I will get a new cat, when I can afford to live by myself. It's expensive here.
I'm sorry, I don't want to join another forum, I rather stay on lemmy for now.
Cheated multiple times on multiple partners. I only ever stopped with my most recent ex because the partner before her taught me that I really only hurt myself in the end, doing all of this. I learned so many lessons throughout the years due to being reckless and negligent, I lack forward thinking and thus, I end up in such precarious situations, it's almost unbelievable that I am not mentally or emotionally crippled by my own actions.
I have also been told I am a bad partner by most of them, here is a mix of paraphrases: I am aggressive, I have narcissistic tendencies, I lack empathy, I am mean, I am cruel, I am distant, I am negligent, I am forgetful, I am selfish, I aim to manipulate, I lovebomb, I am possessive which eventually leads to controlling behavior, I am emotionally or mentally abusive although I don't try to physically harm because that crosses a boundary for me for some odd reason but I (used to be) ok with the rest of the list. There's a bunch of others, and it's almost an exhaustive list. It goes on. I'm not even joking. Therapy has saved me in a way, forced me to heavily introspect. I can probably benefit from a lifetime of it, or at least, until I learn to "love" myself.
That's sort of how it started with my path. I was constantly being spammed with invites to outings, or messages about checking up on each other etc, just friendly things. I decided it was all too overwhelming and didn't want to maintain those relationships due to being overwhelmed by it all at once. I am now paying the price. At least for the time being.
That's reassuring, thank you stranger. It's difficult for me to put into words how awful it feels to fake myself around others but I rather just be my authentic self and in doing so, I will attract the right crowd soon enough.
It's funny you mention that, because I called all of them, and left a message on voicemail. It's been a full day since that happened. No response. Not sure if I'm blocked but hey, I tried. I'm unsure if I should reach out again, but I respect myself too much and realize that the world is filled with other friends-to-be
I actually used to work in the healthcare field. I've worked there for over a decade. Recently, I am in between jobs so it's actually a great spot for me to find a new industry to attempt.
Yes, recently, I reached out to a bunch of my friends that I deeply cut off and since then, still no response. I don't blame them. It was a mess. I do feel much more at peace now though, getting it off my chest.
I agree, I am trying my best to start from the ashes, and trek forward. It shouldn't be hard, just one step at a time, as they say.