That's fair. Perhaps another style of DMing and/or a different system are more your speed.
If you actually have to use that much math more than once in a blue moon, you're doing it wrong.
There's no grid in the sky, though
I only recall seeing the hallway bunks in Lower Decks, and I think that was intended as a joke.
I don't think "reasoning" is the right perspective to examine Picard's comment from. He's not making a debate point, Picard is politely telling Ralph that he's acting like an assclown and that it WILL stop.
Sometimes restrictions breed creativity, though.
The DM can not metagame, definitionally
The secret to writing (or playing) characters that are smarter than you are is that you can take your time coming up with what they do. Maybe in-game your character has a razor wit and would have a snappy comeback for any situation. Out of game you've got a list of pre-prepared retorts you can bust out as needed.
Stick with Star Wars, they have nice, safe-for-work Jizz Music.
There's also Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force where they get transported to a ship graveyard.
Blast off and nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.
I believe that's how it's handled in D&D too, or at least how my table has always done it. I meant more as a practical matter, you're very unlikely to have a vertical wall grid and some kind of stand of the correct height for your minis, so you can't just count squares like you would for horizontal movement. That's when the Pythagorean Theorem comes up in my experience.