this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2025
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Isn't that true for any gender?
Not in my experience. The amount of 'wow, I was just...' responses I've had from men when I am out and femme (I'm AMAB non-binary) truly stunned me. I was dropping off stuff at a thrift store, and as I walked through the door an older man held it open for me, then grabbed my lower back to 'guide' me forward. I spun around into a boxing guard, and the guy looked horrified at me (as did most people in the store) and then he said something that made it all make sense to me, in a truly awful way.
"Oh I'm sorry lad, I thought you were a girl!"
Oh fucking hell what an absolute dickhead!! It's really shitty mate how are you feeling?
I'm better now, this was almost a year ago now, but it was early into me being 'out' as femme, but thank you for asking :)
Honestly, it's not nearly as bad as the guys who fucking follow you to 'get a better look'. I was waiting to cross a street, cars at my left, and as I started crossing suddenly a face appeared about six inches from my face and craned his neck in front of me to look at my face, had a sudden shocked look - and realised I was AMAB and then speed-walked to my right down the street.
I got home and sobbed for about 30 minutes because I realised that girls deal with this shit all the time. Little girls! I've had guys follow me out of stores, hold doors open to look at my ass, then follow me and take pictures with their fucking phones. Seriously how the fuck do you guys deal with this all the time? I fought my way through elementary and high school as a (EDIT: 5th percentile for weight, IE. I was under 100 pounds in grade 8, my bad!) boy, but it was nothing compared to this.
Yep, and that's the awful thing about it. You get so many men creeping after you when you're a fucking child, and you just get used to it. Luckily for me it's died off a lot as I got older but the sad thing is we just accept it as part of our life.
One of my younger cousins is also enby (AMAB) and has always looked very feminine, and they came to me in tears because they kept getting sexually assaulted working at a Department store. Guys would grab their ass, one guy 'lightly' slapped their ass, touch their shoulder, one guy even kissed them because they 'looked like they wanted it.' After dry heaving for a minute, I just cried with them for the next hour.
I'm so sorry you all have had to, and continue to deal with this. Especially with fascism taking hold, I'm so worried for all of you. I walk my children's friends to the bus stop, and I hate that for the first time I feel like I really have to. We all need to form protective groups now and I hate it.
I'm so sorry, everyone, it's not fair or just.
The invisibility that comes with aging has its appeal!