Asklemmy

As a pansexual, intellect is the #1 most attractive trait I find in a significant other. I need someone whom I can have a solid productive discussion with. Intimacy only takes you so far; if you can't bond on a mental or emotional level, then I can't stay engaged in a relationship with you.

Empathy is a close second; without empathy, I can't necessarily trust that your conversation or personal morals/goals are coming from a good place. And I will quickly start to doubt every choice you make in the relationship.

Physical attractiveness is always a bonus, but not required. I am happy with any gender, any body type. I have preferences, but they won't make or break a relationship. My wife used to worry because she has the opposite body type to some of my preferences. But I informed her that her differences gave me a new experience and helped me to better appreciate her body type. There's no such thing as a bad body type in my opinion.

I married my wife, not because of her looks or gender, but because she's my best friend in the whole world. The one person I can talk to about anything and not hold secrets from. We understand each other, wholly support each other, and can agree on most things. And the few things we disagree on doesn't hurt our relationship. You shouldn't blindly agree with everything anyway. It's good to have some conflicting opinions in your life so you don't get sucked into confirmation biases.

Again, discussion is key. If someone just accepts what you say without any personal thoughts or opinions, then I don't feel like they're able to make informed decisions or use critical thinking skills. And that's not attractive at all to me.