But if you wanted to justify wiping your $700 gaming handheld because you'd rather never see a Microsoft Teams notification again

That's reason enough. I won't even try to list the other reasons why windows should be listed as malware, because they're too many at this point, so wiping any device that comes with it and installing something sane is, IMHO, a civic duty.

Yah, I know, I'm preaching to the choir...