Sigh... Another thing I really doubt I'll ever get- a throuple of myself, a femboy and a tattooed anarchist punk with green hair, who's just rlly cooooool.
π
this post was submitted on 03 May 2025
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There are a lot of different types of poly relationship structures and different names for them. The base unit of relationship is a standard couple where 2 people are together. Add another person in and they can either be in a relationship with only one of those people and form a "hinge" aka "V" or be in a relationship with both of those people and form a "triad" aka "throuple". As many people as those involved consent to can be added this way.
Most of the time it's one person who is in a relationship with multiple people who are each in relationships with multiple people. This forms a "polycule". Where you have the people you're in relationships with aka your "paramours" and they have the people they're in relationships with aka your "metamours". This group of relationships can take many forms and can be drawn out into a cool diagram like a molecule, hence the name polycule.
The people you're in a relationship with can break up with you like in any other relationship and vice versa. It's more complicated when you add in housing situations if you're all living together, multiple people are all dating each other, or if two people are married.
Using one of my breakups as an example:
I've been in a triad where one person broke up with the other. I was then put in the middle of their breakup drama. I set a boundary of not wanting to deal with their drama/shit talking of the other. One of them kept breaking that boundary, so I broke up with that person while still being in a relationship with the other. Luckily I was living with the person I stayed with or that would've been way more complicated.
Man I canβt even form a diatomic bond and yβall mfs getting polysaccharides and shit
I dated a free radical once. Nothing but broken bonds left in her wake.
I thought myself noble, a gas at social gatherings. But, always ended up alone. As if I had a shell that kept people out.
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gets voted out
slowly takes out an immunity totem i found in a charity shop.
the immunity totem is the part of the lease where it says your name and not everyone else's
it must really suck if sudently 2 boyfriend, 3 girlfriends, and 3 non binary partners decide to risk homelessness rather than stay with you.
I've seen some bad poly breakups. Once where the three all had a falling out. They jointly ownend the house they lived in together. Three were a few months where they all would just stay in their room as much as possible.
One of them finally managed to get a loan to buy my friend out of her share. Now she refuses to be dependent on a partner for housing.
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in case anybody who doesn't know, poly doesn't mean everyone is dating each other. Someone in a poly relationship can date someone who has no interest in dating their other partners. ofc a good rule of thumb is that everyone in this metaphorical web should be able to sit down and have dinner with each other without being mean or violent with each other.
So itβs like de-federating
Explain relationship between people using the Fediverse. Please and thank you.
Fuck, I'll never be able unlink federated social media and polyamory in my head now.
Fundamentally they both come from anarchist ways of thinking. If there is no higher order or rule, and nobody has any veto power over anyone else, then the only thing left is to manage each relationship on an equal footing.
Poly for me is about the fundamental idea that nobody gets veto power over anybody else's relationship, which means exclusivity simply doesn't happen. It's just like if you had a friend that said you weren't allowed to have other friends. That would be weird, and there's no real reason why romantic relationships should be any different.
While this is certainly a valid form of romance, it's more accurately described as "non-exclusive simultaneous relationships" than a single "polyamorous relationship".
Some people really do live in multi-partner committed households, but those seem most often to be dominated by a single person, such as fringe Mormon polygamy. And the most common form of "polyamory' is probably "affair-tolerant monogamy."
It's a big complicated world, and variations of how humans with form intimate relationships fills all possibilities when there is no enforced legal prohibition. (And,.sometimes, even then.)
As a poly person: no, it is not a "affiar-tolerant monogamy". That is an open relationship.
Polyamorous partnerships are far more committed. Also, sex is not always a part of it.
Of course there is the concept of a primary partner, but there are lot of poly folks that thislike this idea.
But what all of those relationships have in common: there is no case where only one partner is poly. All is about communication and consent.
And to the core topic: There is this thing like a polycule. A network of people with somehow connected relationships. Breakups in those structures are often consensual and no big fuzz. But if it gets dirty, at least in my experience, the offending member of the polycoule gets shown the door. And most of the times, those are the new ones. People that think the could convince their partner to get monogamous because they are the only one that is needed.
Sorry for the long post, you hit a nerve there ;)
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I engaged in the "affair-tolerant monogamy" variant when I was younger. I discovered there's a positive curvilinear relationship between amount of drama and number of romantic partners. I am sometimes barely able to handle my own incidental drama, so it didn't last more than a few years.
Having been divorced from one monogamous relationship
That graph sounds plainly exponential rather than needing its own coordinate system.
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Imagine getting broken up with by 2 people, both with non-binary haircuts. I'd probably jump into a river and become a trout
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