this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2025
512 points (98.3% liked)

Greentext

6836 readers
1316 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 19 hours ago

That pic made me laugh way too hard

[–] coriza@lemmy.world 78 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

"I fear not the wizard who has practiced 10,000 spells once, but I fear the wizard who has practiced one spell 10,000 times."

Actually Harry also used Expecto Patronum alot (aka, the deus ex machina spell that can do anything and give you a blowjob at the same time)

So he had 2 go to spells.

[–] Pyro@programming.dev 15 points 3 days ago (2 children)
[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Combined with a BJ, erecto patronum works better.

[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Considering "expecto patronum" it's jkr pseudolatin for "dad's coming"...

[–] coriza@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago

Fixed. Thanks

[–] Fleur_@aussie.zone 42 points 3 days ago (1 children)

No he found the spell that was cracked and just spammed it. Why wouldn't you it's the best spell. Insta stunlock, no counter. He did the meta build

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 10 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Elden Ring Sorcerers once they learn Ranni's Dark Moon

[–] EldenLord@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 2 days ago

Bingo! Double 'nothing but a walking stick' carrier.

[–] guynamedzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com 110 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Obligatory JK Rowling is a bad person. Don’t support her or the Harry Potter series.

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 53 points 3 days ago (5 children)

I always like to include the addendum that she's also a bad writer. It's great when people are excited to read, but success is not an indicator of quality.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 26 points 3 days ago (1 children)

and as always, if people do enjoy the stories, get the books or movies second hand. don't let her earn a cent from it

[–] Ofiuco@piefed.ca 15 points 3 days ago

There's always the seven seas, it's always morally correct

[–] rmuk@feddit.uk 18 points 3 days ago (6 children)

I tried reading them as a kid and thought they were shit then. I realise now the biggest problems I had with it were the total absence of brick jokes (or whatever the literary equivalent is), the utter refusal to engage in foreshadowing, and the lack of character development.

Harry Potter was the best person but everyone else was a dick. "Gosh I wish something fun would happen" said Harry. Then Magic Headteacher turned up and it turns out that Harry is famous and rich and amazing! "Come and learn to be wizard and a celebrity" said Haggis, "you are amazing and have no choice". And he did. And his stepbrother was fat. Then Harry learned to play Quitit. Albino McVillain said "I've been playing my who life. You'll never be as good as me". And Albino was correct, Harry could only win if he was given a broomstick called a Plonko 9000. Then, Harry got a mystery package. It was a Plonko 9000 and he won. "I am a wizard!" whispered Harry, "but I will still share my chocolates because he is a good person". And he was. "Special people are born special and that's why they're special," said everyone.

[–] catrass@lemmy.zip 2 points 9 hours ago

Hands down the best summary of the books

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemmy.zip 17 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Then he banged his best friend's sister.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] ksigley@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago

"Harry Potter isn't as good as you thought when you read it in grade school. Hottest take"

Hbomberguy

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

She's not a bad writer. She's slightly above average.

Before she was outed, her pseudonym Robert Galbraith had sold 8500 English language copies across all formats (hardback, eBook, library and audiobook) and received two offers from television production companies.

For a "first time" author those are reasonable numbers.

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago (3 children)

She's a terrible writer. She has no original or clever ideas, her imagery is boring and vague, and her characters are one dimensional at most. The Robert Galbraith book that I read was really bad, too, and the television offer came after she revealed that it was hers. Fucking Cormoran Strike? What the fuck kind of hacky bullshit name is that? She's a dipshit, which is nothing compared to the fact that she's a hateful bigot.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] JandroDelSol@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

eh, they're not great, but not the worst thing ever. ive seen worse debut novels (id argue that the divergent series is worse, though i enjoy it far too much lmao). the series is definitely ruined because of rowling's awfulness.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Do make plenty of memes pointing out the myriad plotholes and the nonsensical developments/elements! I hear she just LLLOVES that;) (the only sarcasm here is "LLLOVES").

[–] Saleh@feddit.org 91 points 3 days ago (3 children)

There was two times, he used proper curses:

In book 5 he tries to use Crucio to torture Beatrix Lestrange, but she shows him and tortures him instead, as a little boy doesnt know how to torture.
In book 6 he used Sectumsempra on Malfoy without knowing what it is and seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that most spells are just latin word. Subsequently Malfoy almost dies of bloodloss, everyone is chocked how Harry is using dark arts all of a sudden, but Dumbledore bails him out as always.

[–] Ummdustry@sh.itjust.works 49 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Book seven, he uses imperius curse on some random goblin.

(Possibly just film? Haven't reread in many a year)

[–] accideath@feddit.org 28 points 3 days ago

He also uses crucio in book 7, when one of the carrows spits on mcgonnagal, iirc

[–] LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 16 points 3 days ago

Nah that's in the books too

[–] Saledovil@sh.itjust.works 23 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Doesn't that spell even break the rules of the setting? What I'm meaning is that with basically all other spells, just saying the words isn't enough, there's a mental element to it, which is related to what the spell is supposed to do. So, casting a spell without knowing what it does should be impossible.

[–] uniquethrowagay@feddit.org 8 points 2 days ago

I love Harry Potter but facing the facts it is very badly crafted and full of inconsistencies like this.

Obligatory: JKR turned out to be a horrible person and dies not deserve any of our money or attention.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago

I mean, we should really be asking why they didnt just take latin as one of their classes

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 48 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

Trying to apply logic to JKR's writing leads to madness.

[–] stray@pawb.social 7 points 2 days ago (3 children)

The fanfic that tried to apply logic to JKR's writing lead to an actual, real life murder.

[–] burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 2 days ago

O.o wait what.

[–] ArsonButCute@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)
[–] Grerkol@leminal.space 3 points 2 days ago

Please explain

[–] steeznson@lemmy.world 19 points 3 days ago (3 children)

There's a good fanfic series that tries to apply science to the HP universe. I made it like 50 pages into the 300+ page book which is longer than I'd usually read a fanfic for.

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 19 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality? I think it clocks in at like half the length of the entire original series.

[–] e8d79@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Oh great the foundational work of the rationalist community. Enjoy 650 000 words of Eliezer Yudkowsky' preaching and his self-insert smartly destroying straw-man after straw-man while everybody claps.

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Eh, did you finish it? That's certainly how it starts, but that's not really where it winds up.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] lagoon8622@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

"The most ethical thing you can do is be unethical. QED. Now buy my book using this affiliate link."

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] steeznson@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yeah that's the one - thanks!

There's a pretty decent audiobook in YouTube if you're into that

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Junkernaught@lemmy.dbzer0.com 41 points 4 days ago (4 children)

Fake: Magic. Gay: Also magic.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 14 points 3 days ago (2 children)

It happens three times, if we count the one when he was 1 year old

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›