Greentext

• Be me.

• Go to school

• Everyone else in my class counting on fingers

• Pull out Abacus

• Crowd immediately forms

• "Hey guys! He's doing multi-variable calculus over here!!!"

• Smile smugly. Don't these kids know the abacus has been around for 3000 years?

• Teacher tells me to stop cheating. Accuses me of black magic

• Just laugh. Calculate pi to 100 places. People running out of the room screaming and crying.

• Sent to principle's office. Principle amazed by my technological expertise. Nominates me for Head Boy.

• Ministry of Magic sends down delegation to investigate my new kind of wizardry

• Correctly estimate the future national gross domestic product for the next two quarters

• Voldemort appears and tries to steal my device

• Perfectly calculate the circumference of his head. Voldemort banished to the shadow realm for 10,000 years.

• Everyone cheers

• Open the door, get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur

True story

This happened to a friend of mine in the 90s. He was checking his email with pine. The lady who ran the school computer lab called the terminal "the black program with the blinking thing."

Fake: Anon used https://hackertyper.net/

Gay: Anon impressed dudes at school 😏

Similar though far less extreme thing happened to me in highschool ~99

Some kid decided to rename the other kids home directory folders because they were their student IDs, not an easily identifiable name.

Sure enough, when said students went to log back in, their data was gone.

They took away MY access because they wanted me to come to the staff room to get it restored so that I can fix it for them.

Why we had access to all students home directories and data is beyond me FFS. But yeah.

I did plenty of shit I shouldn't have done, for sure, but that wasn't me, and it was the one time I got my access revoked.

Anyway, it was a good lesson to install a keylogger on a few machines which logged to the local c: and then I got some other accounts for free internet and print credit so there was no more logging me out after that.

Get new parents

Starts modded Minecraft modpack. full screen starting logs. H4ck3rm4n

*Linux

rms can go fuck himself

Now mine Monero

> look at the arch linux news before updating (like a responsible arch linux user)

> run an update for the os through the command line

> sudo pacman -Syu && notify-send "Finished updating!"

> minimize the terminal emulator

> wait until update is finished

> close the terminal emulator

> mfw nothing crazy happens

look, if you're using the terminal and your distro shows a lot of hacker-y text on screen when updating, then yeah of course there's a chance that less tech-literate people are gonna think you're hacking into the mainframe... still the story is definitely exaggerated