Asklemmy

Usual caveats: I'm a person on the Internet, going off only what you've posted and just your side of things, so can only say so much. I'm also exhausted so probably rambling.

I am the gamer in my relationship. Married for several years quite happily. I spent ~24 hours gaming this week. I will spend about 0 hours gaming next week doing what my wife wants.

"She still makes time for me when we play video games" <- this right here is concerning to me. Not criticizing you at all but that isn't the way. Just "sucking it up" will only lead to resentment and loneliness and fighting. Ask me how I know. If she's only making time for you in her hobbies, that's not really making time for you, which is why you're feeling unfulfilled and asking on the Internet.

A relationship is entirely about balance. If you have hobbies and interests outside of gaming there should be time for those. She should be willing to go to those because she cares about you. Not always, and not at the cost of her fulfillment, but some. Once a week I go out to dinner and then watch a dumb rom-com or something. I have zero interest in it but I do it because it makes her happy. Then at some time during the week we I take time to game and she brings me snacks because it makes me happy. It's a give and take and we're both happy

Have you tried communicating directly to her "I want to do this, and I want to do it with you. Please join me because this is a way I enjoy spending time with you"? What was her response to that? My wife and I learned early in our relationship that we need to just be clear and say those things. Being able to not only express what you'rr feeling but understand and listen to what your partner is feeling is the only way it will last. And really think about both what you're saying and what she is saying. Sometimes my wife and I still have to stop each and clarify what the other person actually means. You can't read her mind so don't assume you know what she means. Make sure. And visa versa.

It's not easy. But seriously. Go have a deep heart to heart and figure out where the disconnect is and what balance is needed to make the relationship work long term.

Hey! I'm a psychologist who also happens to be a gamer and be in a relationship. I have something to add.

Your real problem isn't really about gaming. You could change gaming to any activity, and your complaint would remain valid. Your real problem is me-time vs. we-time. The exact balance of the two and what programs are included will be different in every relationship. You need to communicate and find a balance that works for both of you.

Gaming is a fun hobby, but when it starts hurting other areas of one's life, you need to address them. For me time spent with my girl is important, so I usually don't game in the evening, we watch a show together.

My husband and I are both gamers. However, I hate online games and he loves them. Our problem was more with him being ridiculously loud (literally screaming) while playing.

And the solution was to talk to him about it and be patient with him as he transitioned into enjoying his games at a more reasonable volume. Relationships of all sorts often involve compromise.

Don't just tell her you want to go out. Explain to her that you want to do something together, just the two of you. Explain how you feel and why you want to spend time with her. She might have a solution you never even thought of.

I've never dated before, but I don't think "going somewhere" is essential in a relationship. Sure it's one of the standard milestones but it being standard doesn't mean it's mandatory.

However, your concern that she seems to be putting her gaming ahead of your relationship is legitimate. You should talk to her about those concerns, being sure to communicate your feelings clearly without bringing any bottled up emotions to the conversation. Maybe you can find a compromise that works, maybe she has a gaming addiction and needs support, maybe the relationship won't work out, as an internet person I can't really know the outcome.

Gaming is a hobby, but just that. A hobby. We like to do other stuff like camping, skiing, hiking, etc.

It may be good to have an open discussion with your gf about doing other things, or a couple's counselor. The latter might be easier if you are unsure about how to really talk about it.

I am the gamer in the relationship and like all hobbies it must be done in moderation.