ZeroCool

In a surprise move, the Australian Government has countered Donald Trump’s latest tariffs by imposing a levy on any use of the phrases ‘DEI’, ‘DOGE’, or ‘the First Amendment’ in relation to Australian society.

In an angry speech today, Prime Minster Anthony Albanese said enough was enough. “Honestly, most people have just had it with dipshits complaining about DEI classes which don’t actually exist. We’re going to put a tariff on that.

“Steep tariffs have also been imposed on Facebook posts quoting the U.S. Constitution by saying ‘We the people’. You live in Ballarat dickhead”.

Tariffs will also be imposed on:

– The use of the phrase “Australia needs DOGE” matched with a lack of understanding that Australia has had an auditing authority since 1902.

– Whatever American nonsense Senator Ralph Babet is tweeting as he currently slams his large thumb shaped head into an iPad keyboard.

– Clive Palmer’s new political party, Horny for Patriotism (or whatever it’s called, we’re not looking it up).

Once the tariffs take effect Clive is expected to be broke within a month.

In the meantime, the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade issued a statement suggesting Australians try domestically manufactured culture wars such as, obsessing over Australia Day being on January 26, or claiming that landlords are an oppressed class because they are not allowed to take another year to fix an oven.

“I spent hours in my lab and finally created a device that would bring me right to the moment Hitler was born so I could give that baby a piece of my mind and change the course of history,” said Representative Eastlund while enjoying a delicious plate of apple strudel at a quaint Austrian cafe. “I didn’t want to be rude when I arrived at Hitler’s place so I stood in the doorway and held a sign that said ‘Save Medicaid’ as high as I could. I’m pretty sure baby Adolph saw it, but he may have been sleeping. After about 15 seconds a man with a very thick mustache escorted me out of the building, but my message was pretty clear. I’m excited to see how much better the world is once I go back to the present.”

The countries are Canada, the United Kingdom, Ireland and Australia.