this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2025
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I support all these sorts of things but don't understand them well. Can someone be a kind soul and explain what an enby is and what it has to do with being gay?
Enby is an alternate spelling of nb. nb in this case is short for non-binary but enby is used to differentiate from nb as in not black as far as I know.
Non binary is an umbrella term for those that don't identify as only male or female (the binary genders). It's important to note that non-binary is not just a single third gender and that enbies can be partially male and/or female (sometimes changing over time).
I am non-binary.
Since being gay means being (sexually?) attracted to people of the same gender and enbies come in lots of different genders (or sometimes without them) it makes it hard to say whether or not they are gay when attracted to others. I personally think it can be partially gay but doesn't have to be, though being attracted to the opposite gender is pretty much impossible for us to define.
Sorry if this is a bit too long but I hope it helped :)
That is incredibly helpful, thank you! So if you're partially both traditional genders, then anyone who identifies in any way to either gender is your same gender. Am I getting that right?
I'd also like to check if my understanding of non-binary is accurate, if you can spare the time.
To my understanding, gender is an association of qualities and behaviors to a sex, but it is not necessarily related to sex. For example, biological males (yes, fluidity in biology, but let's simplify for now) having the tendency to be physically larger and have more muscle mass has nothing to do with gender. However, a focus and expectation of physical strength and valuing of physical strength would be part of the male gender. Am I getting that distinction correct?
And then someone who is non-binary may have a focus on physical strength but also have a focus on their own personal beauty in an effeminate manner, and they would be uncomfortable being labeled as male or female solely. Is this accurate? This is where I'm least confident.
I'm trying to understand this stuff, but I was born just a tiny bit early to be properly socialized to these things
Also, I'm aware the strength example is probably terrible. I welcome substitutions and corrections anywhere to help me understand things better
Probably in a way but at the same time you'd also be their opposite gender making you straight and gay at the same time I think. So bi/pan I guess? In case it's not obvious I'm not very familiar with different sexualities and their definitions.
In general I'd consider gender to mostly be a sort of feeling that some people have. For instance I sometimes feel girly but most of the time don't feel like a specific gender or something unrelated to male/female. So I'm not sure if behaviours and qualities are associated with a sex but ones gender definitely can influence how one behaves. It could be that is what you meant but I just wanted to be extra clear.
Correct
I believe those are qualities that affirm most men of their masculinity (side note: trans people often call it gender euphoria though I don't see why cis people wouldn't get it too). It isn't necessarily applicable to all male identifying people though. Femboys are probably a good example of that.
Those would be displays of attributes assigned to the binary genders. Somebody who does feel like they have female and male parts of their gender would likely be uncomfortable being labeled as only one of the two binary genders.
Just to reiterate since we seem to be focusing on people with male and female parts of their gender identity: Not everybody has those. There are people that fit under the umbrella of non-binary that do not have a gender (generally labeled as agender) and people that see their gender or one (haven't heard of multiple personally but I presume that it exists) parts of it as not being male or female (I'm not sure if there's a specific label for that though)
Maybe an example would be helpful so I'll try to explain my personal experience.
My gender changes over time (sometimes multiple times per day, often when changing location and the people I'm with a lot or sometimes from day to day but it rarely is fixed for more than a week). This is labeled genderfluid and by itself is usually considered part of the non-binary umbrella. In my case it varies mostly between the absence of my gender, being sorta female and occasionally something else for which I have no words.
I think that was all I had to say, please let me know if I missed anything and feel free to ask more questions, I have the time right now and am happy to help improve your understanding of whatever this weird thing called gender is :)