Asklemmy

48647 readers

892 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 6 years ago

MODERATORS

Divorcees of Lemmy, why did your marriage end? (sopuli.xyz)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by bleistift2@sopuli.xyz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

25 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I wonder what causes people who once thought they’d spend their life together to not want to do that anymore.

Has your partner changed? Or did they not change when you expected them to? Have you changed?

Have you not noticed each others’ flaws when love was young and the pink glasses still worked and only discovered them later?

And what can your experience teach us about our own relationships?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] memfree@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago

The reddit hivemind gets triggered by the very idea of cheating. As far as I know, there was no cheating in my marriage and eventual divorce, but it didn't matter to me if he cheated or not. It mattered to him that I didn't cheat, so I didn't. From my point of view, I'd have a problem if he was spending all his free time with someone else instead of helping with the house, chores, relationship, and so on, but random sex was fine by me -- as long as it didn't result in pregnancy or become a full-blown relationship.

Years ago I read some paper about how humans have two primary and competing reproductive strategies: monogamy versus promiscuouness. It theorized that cultures tend to codify monogamy as the standard to follow because its proponents get very hostile to the promiscuous whereas the promiscuous do not much care what the monogamous do.