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Disappointed Christians say God is delaying the Rapture until Epstein Files are released (www.dailystar.co.uk)

submitted 1 month ago by OhNoMoreLemmy@lemmy.ml to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

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[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 158 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Weird...

According to the Bible no man, no angel, not even Jesus Christ himself knows when the rapture will be...

Huge fan of whoever convinced them to blame it on trump not releasing the Epstein files tho.

[–] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 95 points 1 month ago (4 children)

There’s no such mention of the rapture at all in the Bible. It was invented in the 19th century.

https://www.neh.gov/article/rise-rapture-horror-culture

[–] makyo@lemmy.world 42 points 1 month ago

It was invented to distract us from the Trump/Epstein files

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 8 points 1 month ago

Esoterica channel on YT is a bit over halfway through a lecture series on Merkavah, that talks about apocalypse predictions and the language used and why (which by extrapolation applies to occult topics and language used).

[–] IphtashuFitz@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

“Life was filled with guns and war,” the song begins, “and everyone got trampled on the floor. I wish we’d all been ready.”

Wow, sounds like we’re already living it today…

[–] HowAbt2day@futurology.today 2 points 1 month ago

What about the 12000 from each of the 12 tribes?

[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

"Clearly, when he wrote with his own hand that no man would know the day or the hour, the Lord wasn't counting on a genius like me coming along."

a whole shitload of different preachers

Joking aside, how do whole congregations avoid seeing the narcissism on some of these motherfuckers?

[–] MNByChoice@midwest.social 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

The ones that could self selected out. (Or were kicked out.)

[–] Thaurin@lemmy.world 1 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Which is strange, because Jesus is God and God is all knowing…

Also what disguy was saying of course.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

But surely it won’t happen until after God sees those files. They might affect who gets raptured. /s