this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2025
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To be fair, I don't like anyone to knock on my door and talk about random stuff.
Somehow no-one ever knocks on my door at a convenient moment.
Like: man, I really want to play some co-op, and nobody is here to play with me.
I've legit had this happen with magazine salesmen. They came in and smoked weed and played video games with us.
Well did you buy any magazines
I like when those religious nutjobs come by, I have so much fun with it. I aggressively offer them alcohol (like pour shots and crack beers and put it in front of them) which is usually a hoot with the religious types that go door to door. They usually come in twos, so it's fun to create personal drama in your head about them and then just declare it openly to them. (I am surprised they let you work so closely with Matt, with you know... The temptations and all😉).
I used to even have props for some gags... But for some reason I haven't seen them in a year or more. It's a game of if I can make them uncomfortable enough to abandon the mission... I always feign some interest.
Imagine trying to convert people and you run into fucking Carrot Top.
At least for the mormons and jehovah's witnesses, the point of them going door-to-door isn't to convert you. It's to solidify in their minds that the 'other' is hateful and vile. Your shenanigans are funny, but just building another wall for another pair of fools for their little prison designed by the people at the top.
Instead of being offensive, I attempt to deprogram or at least place doubt in their minds. They can talk about their religion as long as I can talk about science and morality. Sadly, I can never get them to come back for a second visit (even if they commit to an appointment time).
When they Knock on my door they usually catch me while I am at home doing the dishes/cleaning up my mess of a kitchen or doing a weeks worth of laundary etc. In that case I tell them you have to options:
Let me tell you you'll never get 2 people helping you with your kitchen this cheap. The last ones stayed for 3 hours after which my kitchen was spotless. Somehow they didn't want to stick arround for some more discussion and cleaning the bathrooms...Anyways afterwards I offered them a save retreat at my adress if they ever wanted to escape their cult. No regrets, looking forward for the next knock on the door.
Wait. Actually.
This is brilliant. Jees. I hope I have a couple of these guys show up. I need so much help organizing my house it overwhelms everyone I know, but cult members seeking cult members sound like an excellent opportunity if all I have to pay is the wear and tear on my social battery.
Oh man this is really brilliant, I never imagined I could get free labor out of them.
To be honest, I also didn't expect it to work. Glad it did.
I don't even hate the conversation that much, I just hate standing in my doorway for a half hour having the convo.
I just tell them I'm not interested politely and then they leave. why are you going so hard?
no need to be a disrespectful ass. even if you hate religion.
Did that for about 5 years, didn't work. If anything they came even more often.
I don't mind the conversation for a bit and my comment probably alludes to me being ruder than I actually am. But after a half a hour if they can't take a hint or even a direct declaration... Then you got to find some other way to get them to leave.
I just gently close the door in that case. after saying no thank you.
I remember the Summer a few years ago, I was preparing a liver stew. Because of the heat, I was only wearing a rubber apron. While I was listening to Rotting Christ, Behemoth and some other metal, when the doorbell rang. I open, still with my hands, the knife and the apron full of blood. I think they were these Jehovah guys, but they left quickly and to this day I have not seen them again. I don't know what happened, I couldn't say more than a Hello
Found the inspiration for that movie Heretic.
That convenient moment the 8 of april around 12h32 faded away too quickly.