this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2025
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Yeah it reeks of being told in the 2010s "check your privilege". While it's not entirely wrong, it's not entirely right, either, and is incredibly hostile. Everybody's right.
I saw a video on TT the other day of a guy parodying Randy Newman with a made up song "hurt people hurt people". It was surprisingly good, both funny and good, but surprisingly deep and true and wise and all that.
As I get older, I think I'm starting to decipher who to listen to, and I think it largely comes down to malice. Like, if the concept of tone policing were to be taken seriously, it would need to meet those with different views and experiences where they're at.
I, like you, grew up very closeted. While not exactly hostile to queer people, my guilt of unintentionally hurting people stays with me as a scar, as wisdom. I don't think much in this world is totally concrete, but let me tell you and anybody who reads this: regardless of what you think logic implies or how logic dictates, emotions are real and are often separate and stand very much on their own (not always, but often). Coming at somebody who is simply ignorant who hurts you with malice isn't okay. But also, as I get older, willful ignorance is starting to become an unforgivable sin. Maybe even one of the only few real ones.
With that knowledge of judgement, then, you and I and anybody else, who may have grown up our privileges and lifestyles very much do have a duty to at least intellectually investigate if somebody says we are hurting them. To do otherwise is... quite exceptional, if realistically and unfortunately quite the opposite when it comes to most people.
That knowledge of morality and responsibility of ethics ethics is a code, though. Codes don't always need to be followed, as willful negligence can sometimes be strategically good, like "putting your mask on, first". But, be wary of slipping into willful ignorance, as that is a very dangerous line to court.