Short people will not go to heaven.
Well, obviously. They can't reach.
this post was submitted on 02 Aug 2025
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Short people got no reason to live
Well since I’m already short and can’t do anything about it, I guess I’m free to have as much pork, alcohol, and tattoos as I please!
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Do you think the pearly gates have one of those "You must be THIS high to ride" signs outside?
What about people who wear solid color t-shirts that have long-ass slogans on them which are super specific and seemingly only apply to a single person on the entire face of the Earth often written in a variety of fonts and font-sizes and including bizarre details about their lives like the t-shirt that was given to me by my same-sex lover on the second Saturday in June of 2021 to celebrate the fact that I managed to clear an entire thornless blackberry bush of berries that we used to make the most delicious blackberry cobbler from that very same evening?
What's hilarious is I actually have that shirt
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Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.
I would sooner ride a camel through the eye of a needle than go to heaven
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Overcook chicken? Believe it or not, also no heaven
Did you ever pet a dog the wrong direction and make their hair all scrunchified? Also no heaven.
No, but I have done that to a cat, so I can't go to hell either.
Undercook, no heaven. Overcook, undercook.
Straight to hell
When I got my first tattoo 30 years ago, my then mother-in-law said I'd be in prison soon enough. So far I've managed to be a good citizen (it seems following the law is easy), but I've got a plan for this to prove her right. When I'm about to go bye bye , I'm going to strip naked and run around on live TV, probably at a sporting event. That will at least get me arrested, and if I resist arrest and generally be annoying, I'm might go to prison to let the state pay for all the medical things associated with my demise. These tattoos are a bad influence. Hell awaits.
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you can't climb the ladder to heaven if you're short since the rungs are too far apart
They have to go in 3’s because cartoons tell me they can stack up. They would wear a brown trench coat with shades. Then they can climb the ladder.
Some guy at the business factory tell you that?
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Did Randy Newman answer your question personally?
lol I can’t believe grown ass adults believe this shit. I’m surprised most people dont start questioning this after they learn about Santa clause.
Santa was not on the Epstein list, I promise you.
but, like trump, he knew. santa knows about all the kiddo predators, he fucking sees you while you're sleeping and knows when you're awake, why isn't santa doing anything?
He's always been just another oligarchy stooge. He works for Coca-Cola Company after all.
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What if god said you may go to heaven only if you climb these stairs but you're on a wheelchair type shit
"Fuck short people" - Randy Newman
Heaven is boring as Hell
Someone said that hell probably really is the place to be. Heaven has mega rules to get in, and everyone else just crashes at Satan's place.
The torture for the true sinners probably happens, but at the hands of the normal people who didnt make it to heaven. Be honest with yourself, would you pass up the opportunity to ram a hot poker up Hitlers arse?
The torture for the true sinners probably happens, but at the hands of the normal people who didnt make it to heaven.
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tattoos will go to heaven will go heaven will go to heaven will go to heaven
You guys, I think I decrypted the secret message.
Heavn is a human construct, so really, nobody's going there.
AI doesnt appear to have gotten to the Old Testament yet.
it's gonna be interesting when AI's start fighting each other. Think religious wars are nasty? Wait until agentic AI starts driving automated trucks into 'enemy' data centers....
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Removed tattoos, just like lost limbs, will return when you enter Heaven.
Ah, so when entering heaven, I'll get mind back?
Not excited about getting my impacted wisdom teeth back. I'm starting to think God's a bit of a dick.
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