this post was submitted on 20 Oct 2023
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In recent weeks I have met a pretty and sweet girl with what I consider her only biggest problem: her IQ. She is slow, does not remember things and has no concentration at all, has no arguments, systematically repeats the usual twenty words. (A bit like the character of Forrest Gump, for those who do not know what low iq means). I feel like I like it to go deeper, but I wonder if it's not a mistake. Do you have similar experiences?

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[–] hperrin@lemmy.world 32 points 2 years ago (1 children)

To be honest, it sounds like she deserves better than you.

[–] devious@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Ha, I was going to say she sounds too smart for him!

[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 21 points 2 years ago

If you really have to ask such things on the Internet, I really wonder who should ask about whom here.

Better leave her be. If you feel that vastly intelectually superior, that relationship would be purely based on mere looks and your physical attraction. What are you? 12? No offence meant.

[–] Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml 21 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

Go for it, she seems like she's on your level.

Maybe she can even teach you not to make life decisions based on fascist pseudoscience.

[–] i_stole_ur_taco@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Fascist? I thought IQ testing was designed around the apolitical flavour of white supremacy.

[–] Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

IQ was made to find out who the worst-performing student in a class was, and then immediately became about deciding who to sterilize.

Use in a classroom setting is questionable enough as is, but when applied in a general sense to other things, that's fascist pseudoscience.

[–] sunbeam60@lemmy.one 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

But with great respect, the question isn’t about a supposed measured level of IQ. OP is just saying “she don’t seem all that smart, guv’nor” and use the term IQ as a short hand for this. I doubt OP has sat down and asked this girl to do an official IQ test. Not sure why this immediately has to descend into a discussion about fascism and white supremacy.

[–] Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 years ago

"dude, why do you have to make everything about race??"

[–] banana_meccanica@feddit.it 1 points 2 years ago

No that's not what I said. Specifically, it is not a secret to me or her an official disability certification by doctors that concerns a low intelective quotient, it is not the banality that many users have understood as an offence, here we talk about disability.

[–] the_q@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

I think she might be too good for you, chief.

[–] David_Eight@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

What's your question exactly?

[–] banana_meccanica@feddit.it -5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Should I start a more intimate relationship? Does anyone have similar experiences? Can this difference of intelligence create unpleasant situations for both of us?

[–] David_Eight@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Probably not. Does it bother you now, would you be embarrassed by her because of it? If yes, then definitely don't.

[–] banana_meccanica@feddit.it -3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

I wonder if other qualities can overcome this, if perhaps intelligence in a relationship does not need (i have never had a relationship)

[–] Helix@feddit.de 9 points 2 years ago

i have never had a relationship

Based on your posts I'd recommend you take what you can get and not judge a book by its cover.

Hope you're not rejected by someone you feel superior to, as this can lead to your personality to be even less likeable than currently.

Back to topic: why do you ask people who don't even know her?

[–] David_Eight@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

What matters at the end of the day is wether you truly care for each other and wether you're both happy. There's a possibility that it would work out and a possibility that it wouldn't. Your romantic partner doesn't necessarily need to meet all your needs, intellectualy or otherwise.

Seeing as you don't have any relationship experience I say go for it. There's no harm in taking someone on a date. In fact that's the point of going on dates, to know people better so you can decide if you want to pursue a relationship.

If she consents to having a more intimate relationship and you’re operating in good faith, cool.

If neither one of those things is true, just let it go dude.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 9 points 2 years ago

If the conversations aren’t satisfying there’s no substitute for that

[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 9 points 2 years ago

One of my few friends has an intelligent quotient that is just above the lower limit for regularity. You can kind of see it, not in a forest gump way but a kind of absent-minded way, having a good memory but not much else. That doesn't change much though; with his compassion, exceptional specialties, and surprising cunning, you would only notice if you put him outside his comfort zone. He's also trustworthy as a result of his shortcomings, if you want to include a benefit in there.

"If intelligence is the size of a glass, knowledge is how much liquid you fill in it, and wisdom is what liquid you choose, what do you care about more? Choose wisely." ~ Him, just now

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Are we talking casual sex or long term relationship? If it’s long term, I think you answered your own question. If it’s a fling, you may feel like you’re taking advantage of her. But I’m just a simple caveman, your box full of lights frightens me.

[–] banana_meccanica@feddit.it 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yes the feeling to taking advantage is something, not casual sex or long term, i'm talking about the beginning.

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I’ve been on some wild dates. My car broke down and I had a shotgun drawn when asking for help. On a first date with another girl, we drove to the top of a mountain to look at the city. There were about 5 guys drinking there and they made sexual comments about my date. She asked if I was gonna defend her? I told her I wasn’t going to the hospital when I had just met her. She wasn’t the one.

[–] banana_meccanica@feddit.it -5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Thanks for sharing, not exactly the kind of lack of intellect I was talking about, but I understand what you mean. The girl I'm talking about wouldn't be able to understand that some drunk boys are offending us, maybe she would smile thinking that everything is going well.

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

I think I was trying to convey that relationships are an investment. And if you aren’t getting reciprocal intellectual or emotional support, it’s not likely to work out long term. But you’ll need to do what’s best for you.

[–] MrAlternateTape@lemm.ee 3 points 2 years ago

I always feel like whenever somebody is making the specific point that they are so much smarter compared to somebody else they are just boasting their own trumpet.

Maybe you are smarter, Maybe you are not. Who cares? Are you developed on an emotional level to a point where you can deal with both so called smart and so called dumb people?

If you stop thinking about how smart people around you are and start working with them you'll learn to get around through life.

If you like the girl, go for it. If you think she is not smart enough, let her go. But always respect people, because that is what they will remember about you.

And I personally learned that everyone you meet has the potential to surprise you because they think just a little different. Enjoy the variety, enjoy the challenge of communicating what you mean on different levels.

[–] jeffw@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (2 children)

What do you mean by “no arguments”?

[–] whenigrowup356@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

She obviously came to debate club unprepared. Major red flag, bro.

/s

[–] banana_meccanica@feddit.it 1 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Means that when talking together there is a lack of sharing and as an answer you receive only monosyllables as: Yes, no or OK.

[–] jeffw@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Maybe she doesn’t want to talk to you? Or she’s just quiet, has social anxiety, etc. a million explanations. Not sure why you’re assuming intelligence of someone who you don’t know that well.

[–] banana_meccanica@feddit.it 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm not assuming, she showed up saying she had an intellectual decifict, a certified disability. I am a volunteer and I can recognize people with a disability, it is not the fantasy or stereotype any, this person lives in a reality of disability. Is that clear? is it possible that it is not clear and should be an impression? We talk everyday, the disabled exist, are certified and recognize. I like her, she's sweet and pretty, not quiet, not anxiety, as a friend she's perfect, her intellectual disability is not relevant, but in an intimate relationship I think there are other considerations, so the question.

[–] jeffw@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

There are so many red flags here. And yes, I know ID exists, I used to work with the population. You don’t sound like you respect this person though.

[–] Jeraxus@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

It's kinda unrelated to your question but actually IQ have no much link with intelligence.

To come back to your question idk. I can't give relationship advices, but it's always interesting to learn to know peoples deeper especially if she really is that different of peoples you know.

Maybe you can give it a shot or try to befriend her instead. Again I'm misplaced to give relationship advices, just see these as ideas, maybe bad maybe good.