It sounds like I would be thinking about conversations indefinitely if I did that. Any tips???
No, that's pretty much it, think about conversations indefinitely. After a while it's pretty automatic, people aren't all that different from each other.
a narcissist is self-absorbed
an asshole actively enjoys the suffering of others
microwaves are for reheating food, not cooking it
salting should happen during cooking
Think further before, don't wait for the middle of a conversion. Run potential future conversations through in your mind before you even see these coworkers and decide in advance how you'll respond to various topics so you don't have to do it in the moment.
You can do this in front of a mirror to practice the body language you want to project, as well.
By chance, are you located in the Midwest? Or neurodivergent? Because Midwesterners really aren't comfortable with most kinds of explicit negative emotional displays, and there are very specific ways to indicate negative emotions appropriately. And IME most NTs are distressed by the way NDs tend to express anxiety.
If I could sum up all of what I've said into one sentence, it'd be: Stop displaying anxiety to your coworkers.
No, I pull it back when I eat. And when I cook or serve food.
It wasn't sudden, this shit's been muddying the waters for a decade and the precursors were seeping in for another decade or more before that.
Maybe not the most recent, but have you checked out Defiance, OH? The band, not an actual town in Ohio.
Which is silly, because Iowa is the epicenter of the Midwest.
Nebraska and the Dakotas are legit in the Midwest, but at the far western edge of it.
Ah shit, thanks for reminding me.
If only we could get all parties to agree to a 9-state solution.
Okay, first off, fellow introvert here:
The problem you're describing isn't really an introvert-extrovert thing, it's a sociable-antisocial thing. I think your gender dynamics theory has some merit, too, but what you need to understand is that, before, you were acting antisocial.
Ignoring people is antisocial, and moreso when it's people talking about their feelings. To you that was worthless drama but to them it was their emotional experience. Now you're engaging; and yes, with hostility, but at least there's communication and connection.
And in my experience, a lot of more blunt people have trouble telling passive-aggression apart from a more indirect communication style. "Did you email Bob from shipping yet?" is very blunt, to the point of rudeness. "It's important that Shipping is up-to-date on these developments, Bob is their point person" is much less confrontational.
So I'd say it's not being a jerk that's improved your situation, it's matching communication styles with your teammates.