this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
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[–] WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 hours ago

Seriously, imagine being a Catholic like Vance and one Pope didn't want to meet you but instead sent his dudes to lecture you, then when you do meet him he dies immediately afterward and then the Cardinals elect a guy who is from your country who can't stand you.

[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 8 points 3 hours ago

Can we get him to wish the old orange fuckrag a happy birthday? That might be just enough of a nudge.

[–] Lianodel@ttrpg.network 26 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

And on the flip side, a Cardinal who specifically called him out in the past becomes Pope.

If Vance's faith were honest—which I doubt—he should be having a crisis of conscience right now.

[–] clutchtwopointzero@lemmy.world 12 points 4 hours ago

Fucker should be repenting, but MAGA deleted "Christ", "repentance" from their bibles and pulpits

[–] Hikuro93@lemmy.world 13 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

Imagine having the Midas touch, but instead of gold everything turns to rot. And no need to touch, just the presence is enough to spread the effect.

[–] LiveLM@lemmy.zip 6 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

in Spanish, this would be the "mierda" touch. Poetry.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 8 points 5 hours ago

JD is the reverse of when you call over the tech savvy friend to fix an issue and it magically starts working

[–] illegible@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 5 hours ago

"And I saw, and behold, a pale horse: and he that sat upon him, his name was Death; and Hades followed with him. And there was given unto them authority over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with famine, and with death, and by the wild beasts of the earth."

[–] mydoomlessaccount@infosec.pub 6 points 5 hours ago

After all that adventure, he's gotta be tired. I'd say the next move should be heading back to the White House. :)

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 4 points 5 hours ago

Shame he saved revealing this ability until after the election.

[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 90 points 20 hours ago (1 children)
[–] LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago

POV: you took too many shrooms at bonnaroo

[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 47 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

Driving a convertible down Dealey Plaza in Dallas with Trump in the backseat

[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 5 points 17 hours ago

Shart of the Dealy

[–] b161@lemmy.blahaj.zone 52 points 21 hours ago

Space or submarine tour with top 10 richest people, as well as Netanyahu, Trump, Putin, and Modi.

[–] Jesus_666@lemmy.world 139 points 1 day ago (2 children)

He should go on vacation with the CEO of Nestlé and publicly endorse single-use plastics.

[–] Honytawk@feddit.nl 32 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

You mean like a vacation visiting the Titanic?

[–] Jesus_666@lemmy.world 30 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

While that would be entertaining, remember that Vance seems to destroy everything he's associated with. If we keep him around we can reuse him. Lunch with Putin → Ukraine war is over. He joins the board of a for-profit prison company → the USA outlaws slavery. He does a photo op in a coal plant → the USA go 100% renewable. All plausible outcomes.

This thanatotic Midas touch of his has great potential if used wisely.

If we can control it, that is. His mere presence might cause the United States to descend into a degree of senseless bloodshed that Games Workshop would call over the top so perhaps safe disposal might be in the best interest of humanity...

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 4 points 18 hours ago

No, we can harness this power. I can! I... I just need a little time to learn. A compassionate, yet firm, hand to wield the Vance. A scalpel to excise the rot... yes, I have the vision, the will. The fortitude to bear the weight of this responsibility upon my shoulders! If not me, then who? If not now, then when?! No mere Atlas am I, crushed beneath the world's weight.

With the power of the Vance, I shall bear the world...forward.

[–] aviationeast@lemmy.world 1 points 18 hours ago

Or visit Truml at maralago.

[–] tfm@europe.pub 14 points 17 hours ago

Joking about deporting world cup attendees?

[–] RelativeArea0@lemmy.world 25 points 21 hours ago (1 children)
[–] ms_lane@lemmy.world 13 points 20 hours ago

JD follows Nurgle.

STDlon follows Tzeentch.

Megseth follows Khorne, but he's bad at it.

Trump follows Slaanesh, along with his buddy Epstein.

[–] Zentron@lemm.ee 57 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Agent Vance , we congradulate on your success o7

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 32 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Cleveland Cliffs, the steel mill his grandfather worked for while raising him, has also shuttered numerous facilities in PA and Ohio this week.

The exact type of industry this administration has dick wagged about having a mandate to protect just went and closed up shop.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Oh so Trump is 2 for 2 already on using tariffs to kill Ohio and Pennsylvania steel jobs.

[–] zurohki@aussie.zone 17 points 22 hours ago

The fun part is that even if you protect the factories, they're moving more and more into automation. So the jobs will still be lost.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"Go to the Moscow 9 may parade"

[–] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 8 points 21 hours ago

We’re here live in Moscow and somehow 4,000 angry chimps have gotten loose and…my goodness they’re hauling away Putin…eating all the snacks…THE SNACKS ARE GONE. MY LORD THE SNACKS ARE GONE.

[–] Zer0_F0x@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Pray he never visits the same place as the Greek prime Minister at the same time. I dare not type his name in fear the server will spontaneously combust.

[–] ms_lane@lemmy.world 5 points 23 hours ago

Can they do a joint tour of the Kremlin, pretty please?

[–] graycube@lemmy.world 4 points 21 hours ago

Just keep him out of Ohio and on the road somewhere else.

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

He's got the Midas touch all right.

[–] TastyWheat@lemmy.world 5 points 20 hours ago

More like the Mierdas Touch, amirite?

[–] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 1 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe a really large garbage disposal or perhaps Israel.

[–] untakenusername@sh.itjust.works -1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

yeah I kinda dont want everyone in israel to die

bc it kinda seems like ur implying that that's what you want

[–] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

He didn’t kill everyone in the Vatican, just the Pope.
I’m assuming he’d meet with Benny or some other genocider.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 2 points 6 hours ago

Yeah he's an assassin not a nuke