this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 73 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Shitting while pissing is ok, as long as you're sitting pissing

[–] javiwhite@feddit.uk 37 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I imagine it would take a great deal of both mental and physical fortitude in order to curl one out whilst standing tall.

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Remember some people need fortitude to shit, some need fortitude not to.

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[–] rustyfish@lemmy.world 59 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Soon or later this will be you:

Now we can all laugh about it. So we can long after. But in that moment? You will learn what pure dread feels like.

[–] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

Happened on my 30th birthday, after all the festivities. Felt appropriate

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[–] dgbbad@lemmy.zip 42 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] not_IO@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 1 week ago

pissing while pissing

[–] Zamboni_Driver@lemmy.ca 41 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I love that someone took time out of their day to carefully plan and prepare this chart.

[–] Fluffy_Ruffs@lemmy.world 29 points 1 week ago (2 children)

According to this, always be shitting and you'll never have a bad time.

[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (7 children)

A-B-S. A-always, B-be, S-shitting. Always be shitting! Always be shitting!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are because it's shit or walk. You shit or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the turtlehead comin' out; you think they came out to take a look around? Guy doesn't sit on the toilet unless he wants to shit. Sitting there waiting to deliver the goods! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Moss) What's the problem pal?

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Unless you do it while farting😧

[–] OldManBOMBIN@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago

This chick loooves pissing

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 22 points 1 week ago (2 children)

The real terror begins when vomiting enters the chat.

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I was sick when I was like 9 while sitting on the toilet. The sink was too far away, there was no trash can in sight, and the toilet was in use by my ass. I threw up half digested Chef Boyardee ravioli on the floor. Mfw -> :(

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[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Now add rows and columns for:

  • cumming
  • vomiting
  • bleeding
  • menstruating
  • dying
[–] ThunderComplex@lemmy.today 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

No, add these as new dimensions and make it a matrix so we can have pissing while shitting while cumming while dying

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 week ago

The hypercube of gross.

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[–] Chiarottide@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And sneezing. Have you ever sneeze-sharted? Worst feeling ever

[–] Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 week ago

I think it's more of a pisstake

[–] RagnarokOnline@programming.dev 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Duranie@leminal.space 5 points 1 week ago

Scrolling during an in person meeting. My God this one tested me 🤣.

[–] pipe01@programming.dev 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Farting while pissing is cool though

[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

you can see the autistic vibrations in the pee stream

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

the autism leaving my body as i take a piss

don't forget to keep your autism hydrated and drink the piss

[–] Oaksey@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I once did a piss, fart and sneeze at the same time. Got sort of like a really pleasant shiver.

Your body took a screenshot

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 11 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Farting while pissing is awesome.

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[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why is pissing while pissing more happy than shitting while shitting or farting while farting.

Wait... I get it now.

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (6 children)
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[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

My version of this would have the smiley face in every square.

It's good to be alive!

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

it's all smiles so long as you're sitting on the toilet, anything involving shitting is never smiles if you're not on the toilet

[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago

Excellent point!

[–] SassyRamen@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wait until you get food poisoning 🫠 hopefully you have a tub beside your toilet.

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oh man, I used to get gastroenteritis every few weeks before I found out what was causing it.
Gastro was horrible. When the astonishingly painful cramps hit you you didn't know which way the 'projectiles' were evacuating from until the very last second.

Unfortunately the toilet in my house at that time was in a separate room as the sink and bath. Which meant if I needed to throw up I'd either have to do it in the horrible diarrhea covered toilet or just throw up on the floor.
Decisions decisions.
On the really bad episodes I would just sit in the bath for hours on end so I could turn the shower on to wash the puke and/or shit away.

Fortunately I haven't had an episode in twenty years now.

[–] burgermeister@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Sitting to pee instantly solves half of these

[–] jsomae@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

are you imagining this woman pees standing up..?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago
[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This chart is for sitting to pee.

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Then I don't see the problem in shitting during peeing.

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