this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 73 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Shitting while pissing is ok, as long as you're sitting pissing

[–] javiwhite@feddit.uk 37 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I imagine it would take a great deal of both mental and physical fortitude in order to curl one out whilst standing tall.

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Remember some people need fortitude to shit, some need fortitude not to.

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[–] rustyfish@lemmy.world 59 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Soon or later this will be you:

Now we can all laugh about it. So we can long after. But in that moment? You will learn what pure dread feels like.

[–] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

Happened on my 30th birthday, after all the festivities. Felt appropriate

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[–] dgbbad@lemmy.zip 42 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] not_IO@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 2 weeks ago

pissing while pissing

[–] Zamboni_Driver@lemmy.ca 41 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I love that someone took time out of their day to carefully plan and prepare this chart.

[–] Fluffy_Ruffs@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

According to this, always be shitting and you'll never have a bad time.

[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

A-B-S. A-always, B-be, S-shitting. Always be shitting! Always be shitting!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are because it's shit or walk. You shit or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the turtlehead comin' out; you think they came out to take a look around? Guy doesn't sit on the toilet unless he wants to shit. Sitting there waiting to deliver the goods! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Moss) What's the problem pal?

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Unless you do it while farting😧

[–] OldManBOMBIN@lemmy.world 24 points 2 weeks ago

This chick loooves pissing

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 22 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

The real terror begins when vomiting enters the chat.

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I was sick when I was like 9 while sitting on the toilet. The sink was too far away, there was no trash can in sight, and the toilet was in use by my ass. I threw up half digested Chef Boyardee ravioli on the floor. Mfw -> :(

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 4 points 2 weeks ago
[–] BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

You rip the bag out of the trashcan and youre good to go. Been there many times.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 19 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Now add rows and columns for:

  • cumming
  • vomiting
  • bleeding
  • menstruating
  • dying
[–] ThunderComplex@lemmy.today 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

No, add these as new dimensions and make it a matrix so we can have pissing while shitting while cumming while dying

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 2 weeks ago

The hypercube of gross.

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[–] Chiarottide@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

And sneezing. Have you ever sneeze-sharted? Worst feeling ever

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[–] Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 12 points 2 weeks ago

I think it's more of a pisstake

[–] RagnarokOnline@programming.dev 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Duranie@leminal.space 5 points 2 weeks ago

Scrolling during an in person meeting. My God this one tested me 🤣.

[–] pipe01@programming.dev 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Farting while pissing is cool though

[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

you can see the autistic vibrations in the pee stream

[–] Oaksey@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I once did a piss, fart and sneeze at the same time. Got sort of like a really pleasant shiver.

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 weeks ago

Your body took a screenshot

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 11 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Farting while pissing is awesome.

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[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Why is pissing while pissing more happy than shitting while shitting or farting while farting.

Wait... I get it now.

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)
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[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

My version of this would have the smiley face in every square.

It's good to be alive!

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[–] SassyRamen@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Wait until you get food poisoning 🫠 hopefully you have a tub beside your toilet.

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh man, I used to get gastroenteritis every few weeks before I found out what was causing it.
Gastro was horrible. When the astonishingly painful cramps hit you you didn't know which way the 'projectiles' were evacuating from until the very last second.

Unfortunately the toilet in my house at that time was in a separate room as the sink and bath. Which meant if I needed to throw up I'd either have to do it in the horrible diarrhea covered toilet or just throw up on the floor.
Decisions decisions.
On the really bad episodes I would just sit in the bath for hours on end so I could turn the shower on to wash the puke and/or shit away.

Fortunately I haven't had an episode in twenty years now.

[–] burgermeister@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Sitting to pee instantly solves half of these

[–] jsomae@lemmy.ml 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

are you imagining this woman pees standing up..?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago
[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This chart is for sitting to pee.

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Then I don't see the problem in shitting during peeing.

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The problem is your bathroom timeline just changed. That's a face of consternation because a 1 minute excursion has turned into at least 5 minutes.

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[–] socsa@piefed.social 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

There is literally nothing to fix

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Babe, everytime I fart, I piss and shit myself.

"There's literally nothing wrong with that."

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