....I literally had a colonoscopy yesterday because the "self-dislodging" stent placed in my pancreas months ago got itself lodged in the exit.
Just weird stumbling on this now of all times.
this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2025
737 points (99.2% liked)
okmatewanker
1631 readers
3 users here now
No foul language - i.e. French 🤮
Obviously satire, dozy wankers
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Whenever I feel like I'm having a bad day, I'll remember this post. Thank you and best wishes
Sounds like it was self dislodging, but also self lodging.
Giving entirely new meaning to the term Brexit
The only British object that can be removed from a Englishman’s arse is his own head…
And the biggest issue to resolving this kind of problem is that the Englishman absolutely does not want you to remove their head from their own arse
Well, it's understandable since they've been convinced that the circular economy of eating their own shit will bring England back to its glory days.
As much as I'm flattered that you might think that, I can assure you that we go to the toilet just like everyone else.
Doesn't really matter where you do it.
Heads don't belong in their own asses.
2/10 👎
Is this your heads in ass score?
2/10?
Is 10 the theoretical limit?
The score of your poor performance. I didn't realise you would struggle to understand it so much. I thought the tumbs down would be a dead giveaway.
Somehow, you still missed it. How careless of you.
Not even some jellied eels?
Jellied eels are a southern thing. Fuck that shit...
... but if you offered me some Black Pudding I'd bite your hand off.
so I searched up what black pudding was
Personally, I'm not a fan, but it tastes nowhere near as bad as you think it does. It's basically just salty and perfectly reasonable to have as part of a full cooked breakfast.
I've yet to meet anyone that would have it on its own and frankly I hope I never do.
I will happily eat it on its own and un-cooked.
Nice on a pizza I'll say that much.
They might have been once, but they aren't anymore
But would you bite my ass off for that black pudding?
Er...
... No.
There needs to be some kind of formal education regarding the suction effect of the rectum when things go in, and both the purpose and the need of a flared base.
In addition, education on the potential consequences of not using a flared base. Some damage can’t be repaired, leaving the foreign object victim with a permanent colostomy and sewn shut rectum.
Of note. If you say you’re cleaning the house naked and accidentally fall onto an item that happens to get fully inserted rectally, no one will believe you.
You remember when they made pen-lids and plastic bags have holes in them, to protect people from accidental suffocation?
You know how our legendary Type-G electrical plugs have been designed to protect people from accidental electrocution?
Similarly, the government should just pass legislation that any household object that would fit up the average bumhole, should be manufactured with a flared Base.
New cucumbers dropping next summer.
To hell with Brussels and their flared cucumbers!
This is the big brother that the left wants.
What I don't get is why the doctor involved in this situation is asking how the object got into the rectum. Every single story I've heard involves the question being asked, of "How did it get there?"
My medical friend: You know. What is to be gained by asking? What enlightenment do you think will be achieved? They might tell the truth. They might lie. Either way you will regret. Just fetch your forceps and get on with it.
you get to assess what damage to expect. having it inserted slowly yourself vs someone else forcibly jamming it in without regard for the person's safety, for example.
Screening for cases of involuntary abuse.
The draw, the certain something, connecting most individuals in health care, be it in medical care, psychiatric care, or some variation of both, is the human element.
Now, in psych, the arc of the story can be followed, potentially, for quite some time. The people involved may even have the opportunity to know the end of the story.
Medical, however, especially those working the emergency room, are only allowed tiny snippets of those arcs and rarely know the end of the story. Real people, fully exposed in their humanity, of course they ask. They’re collecting as much of the story as they can in their brief amount of time with that person.
The how of traumatic injury also ties into safety. Even if you’ve never used a ladder, for example, you quickly learn leaning to the side instead of climbing down and repositioning the ladder is the path to broken ribs and traumatic brain injuries. You don’t own a table saw but now you know how quickly they can amputate fingers, even on experienced woodworkers.
That and people are always curious beasts.
Rare is the health care worker interested in kink shaming a grown, consenting adult. That’s not why they ask.
Yeah, I get that. But also you have to read the room. I can say that from personal experience that if you ask the doctor a little bit uncomfortable question about their personal experience and history, it's all of a sudden no longer super important to be totally transparent about everything because we're all adults here and we can just tell the truth and why would you even think of doing anything different.
(I mean, I get it. You should tell the truth to the doctor even if it's something intensely personal or w/e. I just don't get why it can't be a conversation that starts off along the lines of "Anything you want to tell me, or do you just want me to take it out?" Just as with cops arresting other cops for DUI or something, I notice this total abandonment of social norms or preserving anyone's dignity or safety et cetera only applies in one direction, when they are speaking to a "patient" or "suspect" or w/e. They have not abandoned the whole concept, not at all, they're just applying it selectively and not to you.)
You go to a healthcare facility to receive healthcare, not to get to know the staff. They’re not your friends. It’s not a bar, though staff are often treated as servers who deliver turkey sandwiches and narcotics instead of alcohol to some patients. They are all being paid, for starters.
The other factor is the SOGIE portion of the chart. There is an entire section devoted to social work/case management, including risk factors and calculations on probability of readmission. Discharge planning. Behavior and psych is just as medical as your medication list. Life details are included. An analysis of housing and drugs is also important.
There’s an impersonal analysis called EDIE that involves calculations on visit frequency and such to all emergency rooms in the last 90 days. You can be a math calculation or you can talk about why.
Medical conditions and injuries don’t occur in vacuums. The people that carry them are a highly variable environmental effect on either, that affects either in significant ways. It’s all very unpredictable if no one talks about it.
Alternatively, healthcare would rigidly follow a by the book approach to a condition or injury, but not the person, wherein every patient is treated exactly the same regardless of who they are or their life circumstances. You would become your inury or condition to full exclusion of everything else that makes you you. I am curious as to why you think this would be the preferred approach to medical treatment.
You go to a healthcare facility to receive healthcare, not to get to know the staff. They’re not your friends.
Not at all what I was talking about lol. I won't go into specifics but it was relevant to what he was recommending that I do.
My point was, people in positions of authority sometimes take the attitude that the people "under" them need to just accept that they have no privacy / dignity / safety even about sensitive or emotional matters. Which, I kind of get it, it's important to be truthful to your doctor even if it's some kind of sensitive matter. To a certain extent it's just business. But, at the same time, it sometimes leads them to be totally unsympathetic to the human side or approach things in an unproductive manner, for example expecting someone they met 30 seconds ago to be comfortable saying "Well how it got there is I stuck a BBQ sauce bottle up my ass on purpose because I'm a fucking depraved pervert and I love to do wanking butt stuff on my own time, last week I did a plunger and a toilet brush" and get surprised when there's any level of hesitation about that response.
What do you believe in no one will believe me, it's a totally original story.
This looks like something out of Private Eye.
Or Viz.
It screams Viz, but I could be wrong