Well, I doubt they can get larger than earth, so I’d say it’s somewhere between 3,000 lbs and earth’s weight.
this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2025
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Unforeseen twist: Earth 2.0 is a pumpkin.
Do we push the billionaires onto the pumpkin or do we all go on the pumpkin?
The earth is a pumpkin.
Pumpkin Earth Theory
Waiting for an eldritch God to carve us out
Maybe this could be the best timeline after all.
Someone has to do the maths on the best possible nutrient, water and solar energy ratios required by pumpkins. Maybe pumpkins win!
Earth's weight?
Mass. Whatever. :P
C’mon, how did you miss the obvious: plumpkins?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
fixed.
We just have to feed the pumpkins a steady diet of americans and we could hit the 2 ton mark here soon.
Naw, all the toxic chemicals would then kill the pumpkins! (see e.g. radioactive Wal-Mart shrimp)
Where are we gonna find 4 average Americans!
Time lapse video on those things are a trip. They expand noticeably by the hour.
I love the can for scale.
Are they still edible or just enormous garbage and waste of resources?
Unfortunately giant pumpkin taste pretty bad,
we'll have to test that theory with a massive pumpkin pie and pumpkin and cream cheese roll
Suppose the pumpkin plant could be bred or genetically engineered to retain the desirable taste of its fruits even at very large sizes.
Would this even improve the caloric yield per acre? Or would the bottleneck be the available energy from photosynthesis? In other words do giant pumpkins take a proportionally larger amount of leaf surface area, such that you're not actually getting any more pumpkin mass per acre than with many smaller pumpkins?
As I understand it normal pumpkins are already pretty high up there in terms of caloric yield, so perhaps there's not much more room to push it.
It might be more efficient per acre, but it’s less efficient per person-hour.
As the weight goes up, the stress on the skin goes up. But the skin doesn’t go any stronger.
So you need to feed, support (literally) and manage them round the clock to control their growth and stop them from splitting and allowing pests and bacteria inside.
Pit them against the lobster church.
Memory unlocked, lol:
🎶
Decomposing Pumpkins!
Throw it at that plump kid
Because his mom did
Not give us good candy on Halloween!!
🎶
Fuck you, don't tell me what I know, The Atlantic.
jack o lantern carved with a large sawz-all blade.
I saw one of those around 2000 lb pumpkins. They are a beautiful sight. I want to grow one but I know I don't have the space
Holy fuck, I just looked up the record. Not what I was expecting at all. It looks like one of those 700 lb. people who can't roll off of their futon. Even the underside is shockingly similar.
Every year in Oregon people cut holes in giant pumpkins and race them as boats.
Also, Darmiscotta, Maine... We went 2 weeks ago. My first "Pumpkin Fest & Regatta".
NSFW
Chappell Roan taking the outside lead there!
I probably should work on getting the bush type plant mutant into the giant pumpkin germplasm again.
The first tests were had a 400lb pumpkin into a 8'x8' plot. They split and cracked however.
this is lobsters all over again
How does that work? Selective breeding? Fertilizer? Growth hormones? New growing techniques? What is it that's allowing these pumpkins to get bigger and bigger?
Giving farms water for practically free while private citizens have to buy it in bottles (from CocaCola or Nestle, who are also getting it for free) from the store because the water is either laden with e.coli (usually from the same farms not handling runoff of animal waste properly) or just...not there by the time it gets to them.
Or PFAS. Can't forget about that.
3000lb pumpkins aren't something to be proud of. They are trophies of gluttony.
We burn down the Amazon to grow soy...not to feed people, but to feed cows. We are growing water intense crops like almonds basically in the fucking desert. And we are wasting tens of thousands of pounds of water to make a 3000lb pumpkin. Won't get eaten. It will be on display until it rots. Meanwhile, I can't wash my car in the summer...but I can pay the carwash! I can't water my flowers, but the golf course can!
What the actual fuck is wrong with people.
Sure is a good thing that you don’t have any hobbies that use any resources whatsoever otherwise you’d seem awfully hypocritical complaining about someone with a checks notes gardening hobby.
Your mixing commercial farming with enjoyment selective breeding. The 3k lbs pumpkin is only grown in a couple of plants. Anything growing too slow is removed ASAP and put in a compost pile. Its just a fun way to enjoy the growing season in the middle of bum fuck no where.
I'm not an expert in the whole giant pumpkin phenomenon, but it's my understanding that the pumpkins are generally grown by hobbyists for fun rather than farmers on an industrial scale. So I don't think it's a trade-off on our food system, where kids are starving in Africa because farmers are wasting their resources growing pumpkins. I think it's more of an, "look what I did" type thing.