this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2025
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[–] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 29 points 3 days ago (5 children)

I'm gonna go in a different direction than everyone else here.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl

is a big budget movie that had absolutely no business getting made, because:

  1. Pirate movies have always been box office poison. Less than a decade earlier, Cutthroat Island made the Guinness Book of Records as the biggest box office bomb of all time, the latest in a series of pirate-themed failures. The only vaguely pirate-themed movies that had ever had anything you'd call success was Muppet Treasure Island and Goonies, and you could argue that Goonies wasn't really a pirate movie, it had some pirate theming in it. In 2002, Disney's Treasure Planet, basically Treasure Island IN SPAAACE had proven a box office flop. Treasure Planet is a well-written, well-made, well-advertised, well-reviewed pirate movie that failed at the box office. What idiot would bankroll another pirate film?

  2. It was a movie based on an old ride at Disney World. It was their fourth attempt at this, they made a TV movie based on Tower of Terror in 1997 that they're apparently not proud of, 2000s Mission To Mars was a "commercial disappointment" and 2002's The Country Bears was a critical and commercial flop. Yeah the year before they made Pirates of the Caribbean, Disney made a G-rated pastiche of the Blues Brothers out of The Country Bear Jamboree. They decided to do that and nobody stopped them. No movie based on a theme park attraction had ever made its money back.

The public's reaction to the announcement was "They're making a movie based on WHAT?" This wasn't going to work. This movie had no business being made.

The film achieved massive critical and commercial success as the 141st highest grossing movie of all time taking $654.3 million against it's $140 million budget and spawning four sequels.

[–] GladiusB@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Everything you said was why it made so much. No one saw it coming and it was entertaining. I still think the first two are solid. After that it fell off. But the third is decent just because of Jack Sparrow's father being Keith Richards.

You can bag on all you want but it's movie. The main objective is to entertain. And it does that on many levels. It's not necessarily cinema but most of these movies are not considered high class cinema. They are blockbusters whose main objective is to make money while entertaining.

Oh I thoroughly enjoyed the film. I went to the theater to see it 8 times, with 5 different girls.

It turned out fantastic. But it had absolutely no business being made. And that was the assignment of this thread.

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[–] aeternum@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

The SW Sequels. I admit that I didn't hate TFA, but the other two were very very very shit.

[–] remon@ani.social 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I would disagree. The prequels told a story that deserved to be told and was mostly internally consistent. The tone was different from the original trilogy, but they are still decent, if flawed, works.

The sequels are fanboy level writing.

[–] remon@ani.social 1 points 2 days ago

The prequels told a story that deserved to be told and was mostly internally consistent.

Hard disagree on both.

[–] anarchy79@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Most of them.

Marvel movies and well basically all of Hollywood are basically a massive money laundering scheme under the auspices of the DOD/USAF.

Ask GPT. Even it knows.

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 92 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (4 children)

'Live action' remakes of animated classics, or any remake of an already good film.

Remake the ones that had potential. but failed in the execution.

[–] selkiesidhe@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 days ago (3 children)

It's how Disney retains the trademark on the product. Like, Snow White, for instance. If the trademark was coming up, they'd rather crap out a bad movie then let the IP go to public domain.

They shouldn't be allowed to take out a trademark on public domain characters.

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[–] Maestro@fedia.io 29 points 4 days ago (5 children)

All those Disney live action remakes are sooo bad. People just don't have the expressiveness of cartoon characters. The Lion King was the worst. The characters were animated and still wooden

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[–] semperverus@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Watching it flop, then become a meme, then the studio thinking it was attracting an audience because it was being mentioned a lot, to release it again only to have it flop again was just decadent.

…But then we would have seen the main character morb all over everyone!

[–] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

The Room starring/produced by/executive produced/screenwritten/bankrolled by Tommy Wiseau

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Hehe, any money for that movie is big budget.

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[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 106 points 4 days ago (34 children)

The Last Jedi.

I left the theatre angry that they spent enough money to take mankind back to the moon on something that stupid.

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 84 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (10 children)

I can't leave it at that. I have to add some details.

Both the empire and the rebels repeatedly made tactical decisions so stupid a five-year old would know better. The opening battle involved sending unprotected bombers against a ship with anti-bomber defences and keeping the enemy commander talking on the phone to delay his response. That works in a Mel Brooks movie, not in Star Wars.

They killed a fan-favourite character off-screen. What, was the puppet too old to reprise its role?

The empire's main guy decided to chase the rebels down instead of destroying them immediately. For fun, I guess.

Phasma's a badass. Except that she capitulates at the first sign of personal danger.

All Holdo had to say was "yes, there's a plan. Not telling you what because of operational secrecy". Instead she expected Poe to blindly follow orders when he'd already shown he couldn't do that.

"Oh no, the sacred texts!" ...that you attempted to burn a moment ago.

[–] jordanlund@lemmy.world 63 points 4 days ago

My favorite bit:

Leia gives Rey a pendant and tells her that she can use that to track them wherever they go.

In the SAME SCENE, with NO CUTS, they are tracked by the first order and shout "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

You just described, IN THE SAME SCENE, how it is, in fact, possible.

Bonus: Putting a tracker in the Falcon was how the Death Star found Yavin IV in the very first movie.

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[–] BurgerBaron@piefed.social 8 points 3 days ago

Gods of Egypt is tone deaf CGI bloated slop and I fucking love it. Just a fun movie for me.

I know it's utter garbage to most, not even fun bad. I'm just a total sucker for fantasy derived from Egyptian gods/lore no matter how cheesy.

$140 million budget and just barely made it back at $150.6 million.

[–] Pratai@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

Everything Marvell

[–] frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world 34 points 4 days ago (3 children)
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[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 86 points 4 days ago (2 children)

The Hobbit trilogy. It's hard to understand how Peter Jackson could mess up movie after movie after movie like that.

[–] justOnePersistentKbinPlease@fedia.io 66 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Simple:

He and his crew had 2 years of prep for Lotr, storyboards, finding locations, making props and sets, etc.

New Line Cinemas forced him to do that same prep in 6 months for the Hobbit. Allegedly they didn't even fully finish the script and had to cut in Del Toro scenes.

[–] Stovetop@lemmy.world 76 points 4 days ago (2 children)

The forced trilogy structure also really hurt it. When the Hobbit film adaptation was initially announced (at the time just two movies, even), I thought that it didn't make any sense to adapt a book shorter than any of the individual LotR installments into multiple movies. When they revealed it would be a trilogy, I knew it was some studio decision to milk it for money and didn't have high hopes.

There is actually a fan edit floating around online somewhere called "The Hobbit: Extended Edition" which, contrary to what the name might imply, cuts down the trilogy into a single movie of comparable length to the LotR Extended films. Still not perfect, but a huge improvement in quality just from cutting out all of the extra garbage that didn't need to be there.

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[–] rozodru@lemmy.world 22 points 4 days ago (1 children)

not sure if it was "big budget" but Madame Web.

It was, essentially, a Spider-Man prequel that simply didn't need to happen story wise. It introduced a bunch of characters from the comics that do indeed have Spider-Man like powers but in the film they simply "suggest" it. You had a villain whose entire purpose for doing what he did was he had a dream where said "spider people" killed him. You had Uncle Ben shoed in to simply say to the audience 'hey, HEY ASSHOLE! look...It's a Spider Man Prequel!" and THAT was the ONLY connection to Peter Parker.

It's like having a Star Wars Prequel where Uncle Owen is in it and he's hanging out with a bunch of people who could potentially be Padawans but we're not sure and they're being hunted cause some random Sith had a dream that sure, they could potentially be Jedi one day. Now none of them actually are but they COULD be one day, just not in this movie.

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[–] Odo@lemmy.world 55 points 4 days ago (10 children)

Battleship. It's just such a bizarre license for a movie, and certainly one nobody ever asked for. (Well, outside Hasbro execs clearly desperate for another Transformers-level hit.)

Oddly watchable in a big dumb fun kind of way, at least. And hey, it has Jesse Plemons not playing a total sociopath, so that's neat.

Watching an Iowa-class battleship do things is always fun.

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[–] WanderWisley@lemmy.world 29 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Every Jurassic Park movie after the 2nd one.

[–] aeternum@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 days ago

JP3, yes. I liked the original Jurassic World, but they're getting a bit tiresome now. It's clear it's a money grab.

[–] Twinklebreeze@lemmy.world 34 points 4 days ago (5 children)

A lot of the Movies Sony makes now. Morbius, Kraven, etc.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

How dare you slight the cohesion and vision of the Whatever Sony Has The Rights To Cinematic Universe?

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[–] scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech 68 points 4 days ago (9 children)

Borderlands. How did they spend that much money and none of the decision makers stop and think "nope this is crap"

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[–] Denjin@lemmings.world 27 points 4 days ago (14 children)

Waterworld. At the time the most expensive movie ever made and the most spectacular flop of all time.

[–] JamesTBagg@lemmy.world 20 points 4 days ago

But I like Waterworld.

[–] Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 11 points 4 days ago

You fucking take that back right now...

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[–] radix@lemmy.world 50 points 4 days ago (7 children)
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[–] papertowels@mander.xyz 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Cowboys and aliens.

Man pitched this fever dream of an idea in 97, was laughed out of the room.

Folks only agreed with the same guy to make it in 2006 after seeing it was based on a best selling comic book.

That comic book was written by the person who initially pitched the idea in 97. He practically paid comic book stores to carry and give away the comic book so it'd be a "best seller".

Movie execs got hoodwinked lol

[–] psx_crab@lemmy.zip 31 points 4 days ago

Ohh i forgot another one of my favorite. Ghost in the Shell live action. I love that movie because of Scarlett Johansson, but if you watch the original anime, everything just feels better, and the live action is simply unnecessary.

[–] badbytes@lemmy.world 38 points 4 days ago (6 children)

All of the Jurassic Parks sequels.

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[–] capuccino@lemmy.world 40 points 5 days ago (24 children)
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