Iβd walk to a lemonade stand to see if they had any grapes.
this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
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Then (and I cannot emphasize this enough) I'd waddle away.
Till the very next day?
It's been 84 years...
Put on a blue cap, blue nautical shirt; but, and I can't stress this enough, NO PANTS.
But for gods sake, wrap yourself in a towel after you shower.
Hand cover your crotch if someone walks in on you
FLY!
Damn, 3 hour old post and no one said FLY!? Yaβall need to be ducks more oftenβ¦
This guy ducks
Autocorrect has its moment of glory!
Quak
Quack?
Quack
Came here to quack, was not disappointed
Murder.
Peace was never an option.
For those who are unfamiliar, let me introduce you to Howard the Duck (really the first movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe).
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Pick one person at a time and speak to them in human language. In some cases it will be to give them a special magical friend, in other cases it will be to cause them to question their sanity.
Then I'd get to seeing about this whole corkscrew dick thing.
Head downtown & act cute until a college girl adopts me as her pet. Duck-nuzzle some boobies.
Got any grapes?
I would learn to fly and then fly to one of those parks where secret service agents meet. Become a spy and sell the intelligence I gather.
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Check if my quack has an echo
- explain the whole thing to my partner and ask them to protect me.
Failing that:
-
carefully waddle to where I know people feed ducks
-
practice flying and copy other ducks
-
ask other ducks for tips
Peace was never an option.
I find someone with a corkscrew fetish.
Find /u/fuckswithducks
Iβd float around in the water as my body would now resemble a boat.
Cover my feathers in wax like substance from my ass glands. Once I'm all waxed up I go for a swim.
Pretty sure I'd drop my phone.
Fly into the sunset.
I would have an exploding corkscrew penis. I'll find ways to entertain myself.
Betray my country.
Probably open up my phone and pull up youtube to watch some duck documentaries. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be eating or what things out there are usually wanting to eat me.
There are some really good "I just woke up as a duck" tutorials on Coursera.
Avoid the ones on Wiki How, they are repurposed courses originally intended for people who woke up as a chicken.
Probably make a poo on the floor.
Either mine or in the hallway (if I know how to open the door).
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Iβd head straight to Subway for my free sandwich!
I start wondering if I'm ugly.
The first thing is probably quack.. I would love to fly to someone in the park working on something and solve the issue for them. I'd like to be known as a helpful duck.
Quack.
Immediately make a joke about quacking up.
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